Sat | Mar 24, 2018

Mama and the man of the year

Published:Sunday | February 28, 2016 | 12:00 AMOxy Moron

Wherever Mama is right now, she is seething with anger. So disappointed she is with her ungrateful children who had the audacity to vote for the greens that she is crying orange tears. For four years, she had empowered them with hugs and kisses, promises and foolooloops, and for another four she wanted to give them more.

But to her horror, unspeakable horror, they had replaced her as the leader of the yard with he who built his home on the rock. So in her utter distress, she turned to her brother, the man of the year, for solace, but when she saw him, she shouted, "Why, why, why?"

Taken aback, the dejected man of the year said, "You didn't want to catch the bait, so you opted out of the debate, what a shame! You refused to show your own children, the ones you love, how brilliant you are, to tell them a million times how much you love them. But you took them for granted talking 'bout apology, as if apology can go to supermarket. You turned your back on them and now they have turned their backs on you."

Mama's eyes popped. She could not believe what she had heard. Loudly, she barked back at the strategist, "Look at you, the IMF puppet, the one who are subject to their wimps and fancy, and instead of focusing on me, the one with the huge political capital, the one who can charm even a cobra, you, too, turned green; green with envy, over the house on the hill. While the owner was focusing on Jamaica House you were preoccupied with his house, and now his wife has taken you to the courthouse. You might as well resign."

"Oh really, resign? Well, in case you didn't know, it's the IMF why we lost. Yes, IMF! It's Mama fault. So, I strongly suggest that you take a slow boat to China, and don't come back, because this is the end. And you can tell your Chinese friends that Dunn's River Falls is not for sale. Your master touched you at the wrong time, or perhaps he should not have touched you at all."

And Mama wept. As she left to pack for China, she shouted, "You will never occupy Jamaica House. And you will never live in a house like the one on the hill, yuh too bad mind! Man of the year, my back foot!"