Wed | Apr 1, 2020


Published:Sunday | September 22, 2019 | 12:23 AM

Deadly survival

I could be a murderer.

But I would rather be a survivor.

You stripped me

Like I was a stripper,

But it wasn’t of my clothes,

It was of everything

That could arouse a strong man

Beneath his trousers

And make him curl his toes.

Believe me when I tell you,

I have thought of every way to kill you.

What if I held a gun?

To the lies you told that licked my ears

What if I ran a knife?

Through your heart

That held me captive to fear.

What if I broke your hands?

That fed me tears.

What if I pushed you?

Down a flight of stairs,

At least

It wouldn’t only be one of us

At the bottom of some flight


Just to stay alive.

I don’t want to be imprisoned

For being a murderer.

And I think neither do you.

That is why

I will hold my weapons against myself;

I will commit suicide

Under the sun’s hue.

I put the gun to my mind

And shoot the memories

Of us.

I use the knife

To cut away my fear of future lusts.

I push down

everything you said I was

Down a flight of stairs.

I just committed suicide.

I killed everything you made me into

So the me I knew before you,

Can survive.

I could be a murderer

I choose to be a survivor.

Abbigail Mattis