Tue | Jan 15, 2019

Do you expect too much from your man?

Published:Tuesday | November 11, 2014 | 12:00 AM

Do you enjoy reading an intense, 'rosemantic' novel where the lead character is tall, dark, handsome, powerful, and rich? Who captivates every woman with his spell-binding charm and good looks? Knows just what to say to make things better? Isn't that every woman's dream?

Well, ladies, I am here to tell you that you've been setting yourself up for failure your entire lives. Now, before you throw bricks, allow me to explain.

There is no perfect man - ever. The possibility of you finding a man who is sickeningly good-looking, washboard abs, perfectly aligned teeth, hairline on point, perfect legs and feet, money in the bank, good parenting, spiritual, no kids or babymomma drama, educated, is bilingual and straight; is probably as rare as you trying to count your pubic hair and not getting confused.

Women need to understand that these novels and films like The Notebook are all scripted and edited. The people in that film were PAID to act the part without necessarily living it. Furthermore, all other segments of life are ignored for the duration of the film.

The average film narrates a story in 90-120 minutes at a time. Do you think it is realistic to try to fit your entire life into a 90-minute scripted film? The film ignores his overdue light bill and unpaid student loans in his quest for an education. The film ignores that he may have not had a father growing up and carries, to this day, some resentment. The film ignores that he may have been bullied as a child. The film ignores the hurdles he must overcome on his journey to becoming a man.

Real life has no theme music and Hercules won't be running in slow motion with his hair blowing in the wind. Sometimes Hercules comes on a bicycle or in an old, beat-up car. You have to recognise the Hercules in your man and then you must nurture it.

Women say they want an honest, hard-working man, yet they are constantly holding men to the standards set on cable TV. The Jamaican economy is struggling, and the job market is virtually non-existent. Many men prefer the entrepreneurship route because they would rather die trying to make something of themselves than die making something of someone else's life.

utter bull

Men are not robots. They were not put on earth to solve every blasted, nagging problem women have. They are individuals, just like us women. They have feelings - they cry, laugh and hurt just like us. They can be a pain in the behind at times, just as we can be. They have goals and a vision for their lives. Sometimes women go into relationships expecting a man to give up everything he ever wanted to support her and her dreams. Her feelings and moods - which I believe is utter bull****.

There will forever be a blatant disconnect between men and women - I chalk this up to parenting. Seems like a pretty simple conclusion, doesn't it?

There are distinctive differences in parenting when raising a boy versus raising a girl. Ninety-five per cent of mothers and fathers embed one or all of the following into their girls:

(1) Mek sure yuh find a man weh can min' yuh.

(2) Doh pick up no bruk-pocket man.

(3) Love cyaah put food pon di table.

(4) If him doh have a car, mek him gwaan.

(5) No romance without finance.

What they fail to realise is that they are subconsciously preparing their daughters for modern-day prostitution by teaching them to equate love with money.

I always hear how much men should be breadwinners of the household and how men today aren't like men 20 years ago. Well, my darlings, things and times have changed. When men were the sole income earners, they never had to concern themselves with buying the latest Louis Vuitton bag or Christian Louboutin shoes or an iPhone 6 or a Samsung Galaxy 5. If we want to enjoy modern-day luxuries, it is imperative that two incomes support a household.

Why not teach our daughters to find an honest, respectful, spiritual and hard-working man who will love her to eternity, in the same breath teaching our girls to find a fulfilling career that embraces their purpose?

There are still good guys out there - I meet them almost every day. There is good in every man, as there is bad. Which will you nurture?

Women are more powerful than they give themselves credit. Sometimes, all you have to do is just be there for him. Allow him to calm down when he is upset - give him space instead of pointing your finger in his face, raising your voice and mimicking guests from the 'Jerry Springer Show'.

n Shaniin Morales Lewin is a destination management consultant and freelance writer. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com and smlewin@gmail.com.