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The Pain of Cheating

Published:Monday | September 7, 2015 | 9:00 AMSteve Lyston
Lyston

Overcoming cheating/infidelity is not something easy to do or to deal with. With the global economic situation and the various nations and media pushing immorality, the institution of family is in crisis mode. There are many other devices used to promote and propel immorality, including swing clubs, websites, reality television programmes and even recently, 400 churches/church personnel were caught employing the use of a website that promotes and engages infidelity.

Cheating is one of the most painful things to deal with because it is perceived as an act of betrayal and trust. Cheating carries consequences - both spiritual and physical.

Spiritually, it carries soul ties and opens the door for other tragedies to enter. For example, when David committed adultery, it almost destroyed his entire administration and wreaked havoc in his family.

 

Why Do People Cheat?

 

Different statistics show that the numbers for both males and females who cheat are quite close. It went further to reveal that women cheat for emotional reasons while men cheat for pleasure. In counselling with women, they have shared with me that they like to spend time with their men and they enjoy talking and sharing. So where a woman may speak, for example, one million words for the day, a man may only care to speak 500 words, hence that is a part of the frustration.

While the men would want to spend time with the boys engaging in sports, and even competitions, the women want to go with them too - even if they don't understand the game - in an effort to understand the men more, or to become more involved in sharing their lives.

Women are quicker to cheat with gym instructors, yoga instructors, co-workers or neighbours with whom will spend more time and listen to them. The men are quicker to cheat with waitresses, go-go dancers, massage therapists, co-workers, helpers, and even VIPs will choose mates among their bodyguards. In the entertainment industry, actors go with actors, singers go with the dancers. In sports, the sports personalities will go with the cheerleaders. Sadly, church leaders sometimes find themselves in the wrong situation with other leaders or members with whom they spend more of their time.

Cheating does not only affect the persons directly involved, but also their children, friends and family members. Over the years, I have seen situations where children are conceived and one tries to hide it to preserve the family, but it still comes to light.

Very often, if the person is influential in society, the media will expose it, especially if they are running for office. We are seeing it played out, as an example, in a television series called the Haves and the Have Nots. We saw the Arnold Schwarzenegger situation with the helper come to light.

 

WAYS TO AVOID CHEATING

 

There are many things husbands and wives need to do to avoid cheating.

- Exercise trust - share passwords.

- Compliment each other.

- Do not withhold sex from each other.

- Maintain the things they did that brought them together.

- Invest in family time.

Avoid unnecessary business trips without your spouse. (Most corporations need to allow the spouses to travel with their employees on the long-distance business trips.)

Husbands and wives:

- Must pray together.

- Cut down on the long hours spent on social media.

- Stay away from pornography of any kind and sex toys.

When cheating takes place, there is always the option of divorce. But before you go that route, always make the effort to fight for your marriage. Most people refuse to forgive; but every effort must be made for reconciliation.

Many people try to work it out on their own and fail to do so, so they need to find mature spiritual counsellors. Sex therapy doesn't work - it only complicates the matter.

The next thing one has to do is to evaluate all the persons within their scope of influence to see if those persons are adding to or subtracting from their marriage.

Great effort must always be made to improve communi-cation with each other and stay away from anything that promotes immorality, so that no unnecessary doors are open to healthy relationships.

Husbands and wives must forgive. If an act of infidelity took place in the past, and resulted in a child being born outside the marriage, then work together to include the child or your spouse. There must be boundaries. The parent of that child ought not to go visiting the child alone - more will result.

Family is important, so value your family. Cheating brings pain and lost favour. I encourage you all to fight for your families.

• Steve Lyston is a biblical economics consultant and author of several books, including 'End Time Finance' and 'The New Millionaire'.