Domino Awards (International Division)
THE DOMINO Awards are named for the Khooky Khast of Kharacters from my teenage domino-playing years, including Dessie, the second-best domino player I know; the Dunce, who fell from a tree as a child since when he’s lived in his own happy-go-lucky world with his permanent mantra “if a macca, mek it jook yu” for comfort; and the Beast, who got his name by liking my sister but being too timid to try to make her his ‘Beast’ (slang for ‘girlfriend’).
Later on, I met the best domino player I know. He’s a Sandy Park stalwart known as ‘Bas’, who’s been a friend, adviser, supporter and, where necessary, protector for decades. I hear he’s not so well now, so Bas, get well soon. I promise Mauva and I will visit this Christmas.
Now, the seventh annual international awards:
The Dunce Award: Fee Faa Fo Fummmm! I smell the blood of a Trinidadian! This year’s awardee is AUSTIN ‘JACK’ WARNER for his devil-may-care approach to US indictments and extradition requests for him to face the fury of Loretta.
Our man Jack denied any knowledge of corruption and all charges against him, but, without pausing to take a breath, he threatened intimate knowledge of FIFA and T&T government corruption, which he’d reveal if extradition wasn’t withdrawn. Jack, m’boy, this isn’t a Loretta Lynn song. Everything, including you, cook and Currie. The Dunce says to tell you: “If a macca, mek it jook yu ... .”
The Dunce Move of the Year Award: What would these annual awards be without DONALD TRUMP, the man with incurable motormouth disease? This year, tonsils blaring, he widened the virus’ exit opening and called Mexican immigrants “rapists” and “drug dealers”. He also proposed defeating terrorism by banning all Muslim immigrants AND barring Muslims from the Internet. Yippee!
I see it all before me now. The time: March 2016. The scene: Situation Room, where the faithful are gathered to develop strategies to defeat terrorism. Having succeeded in de-negrifying the White House, President Trump’s most senior Cabinet members are present, including Vice President Ted Cruz and Secretary of State Ivanka Trump.
PRESIDENT: Gentlemen (you, too, Ivanka; you know I LOVE women), we gotta deal with this terrorist threat. Most of them are coming over the Mexican border into Texas. If they’re not terrorists, they’re rapists and drug dealers. I say we carpet-bomb Texas immediately.
VICE PRESIDENT: But these are my people you’re talking about, Mr President.
PRESIDENT: Don’t be silly, Ted! You know I love you and your people, but you’re Canadian (with a little Cuban), NOT Mexican or Muslim ... .
VICE PRESIDENT: Sir, I was talking about Texans.
PRESIDENT: Don’t worry about it, Ted, you’re in Washington now. I’ll get my friend José Andrés to rustle up (get it? ‘rustle’ up; Texas; hehehehe; Man, am I good) some burritos for them before we drop the bombs. It’ll be HUGE!
SECRETARY OF STATE: But, Daddy (oops, sorry, Mr President), you’re suing José, remember? Most of these illegal immigrants are hardworking contributors to the US economy.
PRESIDENT: Don’t worry, Ivanka [pats her on thigh]. Remember, you’re Jewish now. You’re safe. Make sure Jared and the grandkids stay in New York. Daddy will take care of everything. BOMBS AWAY! If a macca, mek it jook yu ... .
I’m seriously considering inviting The Donald to build a wall around Jamaica to keep the ZIKV mosquitoes out.
International Personality of the Year: Greek Prime Minister ALEXIS TSIPRAS is my nominee for this year’s big award. At 40 years old, he became prime minister after a snap election on January 25, 2015. His Syriza Party won 36 per cent of the vote and 149 of the 300 parliamentary seats.
He fought courageously for all Greeks against oppressive fiscal conditions imposed by eurozone lenders. Despite Greece’s parlous financial state (in recession since 2009, Greece’s debt reached 175% of GDP in 2013), Tsipras led a revolt, which included defaulting on stringent debt repayments. With his back to the wall after intraparty defections, he resigned as prime minister; called another election; and defied logic and prophets of doom by winning another mandate with 35.5 per cent of the vote and 145 seats.
He forced important concessions from eurozone lenders, with the backing of the IMF, and successfully negotiated another bailout package and has ended the year stronger than ever. His negotiations just unlocked another bailout segment (€1 billion in loans) and Greece has moved decisively to divest loss-making enterprises and reduce energy costs.
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good laugh! Peace and love.
- Gordon Robinson is an attorney-at-law. Email feedback to email@example.com.