Thu | Oct 19, 2017

Carolyn Cooper | Mi a look one hurricane man

Published:Sunday | August 21, 2016 | 12:00 AM

 

CHAKA-CHAKA SPELLING

 

Wen mi seh hurricane man, mi no mean man weh a go breeze een an breeze out. Unu done know dem kind a wutlis man deh. Dem come wid nuff excitement. Whole heap a thunder an lightnin. Dem full a liriks. Mek up whole heap a noise a yu headside. Den wen yu mek mistake go tek dem een - autoclaps! Dem mek nuff water wash weh yu sinting dem, an mash up yu life. An gone lef yu braps! Dem breeze out same like how dem breeze een. Dem no mean yu no good. No sah! Dat a no it.

Mi a look man fi keep single woman company wen big storm a come. An a no one man mi a look. A nuff. Mi a set up one agency fi rent out hurricane man. A whole heap a single woman ketch dem fraid wen dem hear seh hurricane a come. Dem one an God an hurricane. It no pretty. Since a God send di hurricane. No matter how yu tink seh yu big an bad, wen hurricane ketch yu, you one inna di house, it no easy at all, at all.

Wen mi set up fi mi agency, mi a go screen di man dem good-good. Mi naa look no bandoolu man weh a go tek hurricane mek opportunity fi look uman. Yu nah go a di woman house fi look her. Yu di deh fi kip her company nice an deestant. Wen breeze a blow yu siddung wid her, kip yu two hand dem to yu side, an talk bout life. Wen hurricane done, yu gone bout yu business. If unu waan start talk after hurricane done, dat a fi unu business. But fi mi agency no business wid dat. A no Match.com.

 

FULFILLING SINGLE LIFE

 

Nuff single woman love dem single life. Fi real. An it look like seh, single life good fi nuff people. From August 4-7, di American Psychological Association kip up dem big convention. An pon dem website, dem post some a di big news weh di researcher dem a talk bout. See di headline fi one a di article dem weh come out pon August 5: "Psychologist reveals science behind a fulfilling single life'.

Ascorden to di psychologist, Bella DePaulo, "It is time for a more accurate portrayal of single people and single life - one that recognises the real strengths and resilience of people who are single, and what makes their lives so meaningful." DePaulo seh nuff single people a live better dan married people: "When people marry, they become more insular." Plenty married woman figet bout dem friend dem. Dem mussi fraid seh di friend dem a go try tief dem husband.

An plenty married woman love moggle pon single woman. A gwaan like seh yu a no smaddy chroo yu no have no husband. Plenty a dem husband a nutten but crosses. Mi know seh nuff good man deh bout. But if dem married an a treat dem wife good, dem not suppose fi have no business a walk street a look woman.

So dem deh 'good' man disqualify. Yu can't call dem fi kip yu company wen hurricane a come. Dem have dem wife fi go look bout. Dat a weh di hurricane man dem come een. An single woman no a fi shame fi get a hurricane man. A no like seh yu can't manage yu life. Hurricane a no normal sinting. No matter how yu satisfy wid yu single life, hurricane man have use!

 

PRAPA-PRAPA SPELIN

 

Wen mi se 'orikien man', mi no miin man we a go briiz iin an briiz out. Unu don nuo dem kain a wotlis man de. Dem kom wid nof eksaitment. Uol iip a tonda an laitnin. Dem ful a liriks. Mek op uol iip a naiz a yu edsaid. Den wen yu mek mistiek go tek dem iin - aataklaps! Dem mek nof waata wash we yu sinting dem, an mash op yu laif. An gaan lef yu braps! Dem briiz out siem laik ou dem briiz iin. Dem no miin yu nuo gud. Nuo sa! Dat a no it.

Mi a luk orikien man fi kip singl uman kompini wen big staam a kom. An a no wan man mi a luk. A nof. Mi a set op wan iejensi fi rent out orikien man. A uol iip a singl uman kech dem fried wen dem ier se orikien a kom. Dem wan an Gad an orikien. It no priti. Sins a Gad sen di orikien. No mata ou yu tingk se yu big an bad, wen orikien kech yu, yuu wan ina di ous, it no iizi at aal, at aal.

Wen mi set op fi mi iejensi, mi a go skriin di man dem gud-gud. Mi naa luk nuo banduulu man we a go tek orikien mek apachuniti fi luk uman. Yu naa go a di uman ous fi luk ar. Yu di de fi kip ar kompini nais an diistant. Wen briiz a bluo yu sidong wid ar, kip yu tuu an dem tu yu said, an taak bout laif. Wen orikien don, yu gaan bout yu bizniz. If unu waahn staat taak aafta orikien don, dat a fi unu bizniz. Bot fi mi iejensi no bizniz wid dat. A no Match.com.

 

FULFILLING SINGLE LIFE

 

Nof singl uman lov dem singl laif. Fi riil. An it luk laik se, singl laif gud fi nof piipl. Fram Aagos 4-7, di American Psychological Association kip op dem big kanvenshan. An pan dem websait, dem puos som a di big nyuuz we di risorcha dem a taak bout. Si di edlain fi wan a di aatikl dem we kom out pan Aagos 5: 'Psychologist reveals science behind a fulfilling single Life'.

Azkaadn tu di saikalojis, Bella DePaulo, "It is time for a more accurate portrayal of single people and single life - one that recognises the real strengths and resilience of people who are single, and what makes their lives so meaningful." DePaulo se nof singl piipl a liv beta dan marid piipl: "When people marry, they become more insular." Plenti marid uman figet bout dem fren dem. Dem mosi fried se di fren dem a go chrai tiif dem ozban.

An plenti marid uman lov mogl pan singl uman. A gwaahn laik se yu a no smadi chruu yu no av no ozban. Plenti a dem ozban a notn bot kraasiz. Mi nuo se nof gud man de bout. Bot if dem marid an a chriit dem waif gud, dem no supuoz fi av nuo bizniz a waak striit a luk uman.

So dem de 'gud' man get diskwalifai. Yu kyaahn kaal dem fi kip yu kompini wen orikien a kom. Dem av dem waif fi go luk bout. Dat a we di orikien man dem kom iin. An singl uman no a fi shiem fi get a orikien man. A no laik se yu kyaahn manij yu laif. Orikien a no naamal sinting. No mata ou yu satisfai wid yu singl laif, orikien man av yuus!

- Carolyn Cooper is a consultant on culture and development. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com and karokupa@gmail.com.