Mon | Apr 23, 2018

Gordon Robinson | The origin of racism

Published:Tuesday | September 13, 2016 | 12:00 AM

For me, Tuesdays have become Patria-Kaye's Day.

I never miss one of her excellent columns. Her writings exemplify what I've been trying to teach Booklist Boyne (unsuccessfully) for years, namely, a column is personal. Columns are all about personal opinion, so a good columnist puts personality in his/her articles so readers can know from whence the opinions are coming. If you leave yourself out of it; if you simply regurgitate a list of boring books as a prelude to regurgitating the books' opinions, you're writing an academic paper, NOT a column.

An example of a good column was Patria-Kaye's 'Another hair scare' (Gleaner, September 6), which got me thinking about the origin of racism. While reading her analysis of natural versus processed hair, I drifted off into a foggy daydream.

In my daydream, I learned that like kinky (natural) and straight (processed) hair, like brown (natural) and white (processed) sugar, natural people first inhabited the world followed by processed people. Properly understood, the Bible shows Adam and Eve as the first two white people, not the first people.

Nothing else makes sense. We're told Adam lived for more than 900 years and had sons and daughters (with the brown people?), the first of which was Seth. Sometime later, the world's population was destroyed by flood and Noah's three sons thereafter populated the earth. That's OK, as Noah's sons each had wives, but the flood destroyed a huge population. Where did that population (including Noah's daughters-in-law) come from?

Either earth's population came from divinely approved incest or Adam/Eve weren't 'first'. Genesis 1: 25-26 records God saying, "Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: the livestock, the creatures that move along the ground, and the wild animals, each according to its kind."

Obviously, these "living creatures" included plenty 'brown' people who didn't get a Garden of Eden but had to make their own way in the world. These were people the land produced 'naturally'. Then God noticed no white people were being produced 'naturally' from the land. Now, we know from church teaching that both God and Jesus are white, so it's only 'natural' that God would want to make some people who looked like Him. So he decided to make some processed people (kinda like man), who he called 'mankind', in His image. Voil‡: Adam and Eve. Being white (processed), they insisted on segregation and privilege, so God created an idyllic Garden of Eden for them and kept them away from sinful 'brown' people. There was ONE RULE. Don't eat de bloodc***t apple.

So, of course, first thing, curious, impatient woman bit the apple. If she'd waited, I'm sure Adam would've one day tired of watching football on TV and bit it first (then men would be babymothers), but she just couldn't wait. Right away she knew she was in trouble. What was her first thought? "Blame the man!" So she seduced Adam into having a bite too. Of course, it stuck in his throat and all his screaming woke God up. Eve said "It wasn't me! It's Adam's apple!" but God was too tired to bother mediate. He threw both out of the Garden, forcing them to mix with the world's natural 'brown' population and conceive several new races populating the earth.


Separation, superiority


But the minority full white descendants of Adam and Eve always believed in separation from and superiority over the others. So you'll always hear some racists (oops, sorry, races) speak disparaging of others. So Mexicans are rapists and murderers; black schools are bad; and Latinos are to be deported and kept out.

Cawn't sey me neva dida warn yu! On July 24 ('The Devil and the deep blue sea'), I wrote:

"Donald Trump is a hero to all white America ... for not giving a flying fork and being rich enough to say what they wish they could afford to say .... In that context, his screaming, fear-mongering, factually incoherent acceptance speech ... will go down among Jamaican intellectuals as the worst ever, but across white America as inspirational ... .

I've some more bad news ... . Trump has more closet supporters among Latinos and Hispanics than you'll ever believe. Why? Because, they're 'in' and want to ensure no more of their colleagues arrive to provide competition. Don't believe me? Watch for it as the Demagogue slaughters the Liar ... . On your marks? Set? All hail the new Chief, President Trump!"

I'll wake from my fogged-up daydream in time for the State visit of President Trumpf ('Sieg Heil!') travelling on Hair Force One!

Peace and love.

- Gordon Robinson is an attorney-at-law. Email feedback to