Tue | May 21, 2019

Michael Abrahams | When a woman says 'no'

Published:Monday | August 13, 2018 | 2:17 AM

To all my brothers who believe that being inside a woman is the greatest feeling ever, can I get an amen? Amen, my brothers, amen! Hallelujah! 

Yes, sex with women is a thing. A big thing. It has been a thing since the beginning and will certainly be happening at the end. After all, that is what brought most of us into existence on this planet. I cannot think of a better feeling than when you want a woman, she wants you, too, and nature takes its course. Oh, yes! 

Which brings me to the word 'no'. It is a negative response. It is the opposite of yes. So, when you make a woman aware of your desire to have sex with her and she says 'no', it means 'no'.

Please try to understand that. She does not need to scream it out while slapping your face and kneeing your crotch. Do not allow things to escalate to that level.

If you want to have sex with a woman and she is clearly not interested, move on. Trust me, you will get over it. The world will keep turning and life, as we know it, will not cease to exist. Sometimes we meet women who drive us freaking crazy and make us 'tun fool'. The way they look. The way they talk. The way they walk. The way they dress. The way they smell. DAMN! Some women just seem to ooze sex from every pore of their skin and every fibre of their being.

So, when a woman you desire turns you down, it is disappointing. But there is hope.

Research has shown that there are billions of women on the planet. We have options. Lots and lots and lots of options, and we should explore these options when a visa application to visit a woman’s vagina is denied. Once your 'passport' is valid, you can use it to enter other vaginas. There are many others who will gladly accept you and may even grant you citizenship.

The exploration of other options is to be encouraged because when you hound women who are not interested in you for sex, you can make their lives miserable. You can traumatise them. 

Imagine yourself in a situation where a man keeps pressuring you to bend over and let him give you a prostate exam from behind, with no hands, when you know that you will NEVER EVER WANT THAT, and the mere thought of it makes your skin crawl and makes you want to vomit. Well, that is how a woman feels when she does not want you anywhere near her vagina and its environs and you keep pestering her.

Also, never forget that women are the owners of their vaginas. Not men. When you are inside a woman and she tells you, “It’s yours, baby,” she means for that fleeting moment in time. Don’t get it twisted. Do some stupid crap after that and you may never see it again. Ever. 
Yes, women are the sole proprietors of their vaginas, and it is up to them if they want to share them with us, share them with other women, keep them to themselves, of save them for Jesus.

Harassing women for sex makes you a prick, especially if you are in a position of power or authority over them. And if you do not get it, do not be vindictive. That makes you an even bigger prick. Do not be ruled by your ego and your penis. Do not give them failing grades, poor assessments, pick on them or fire them from their jobs just because they did not 'let off'. In other words, don’t be a dick because she rejected your ... .

And if a woman declines your proposition, it does not make her a bitch. Actually, calling her a bitch makes you a dirty mongrel. You wanted it and you did not get it, so now you are being a cry baby. Don’t be like the fox and the sour grapes, or in this case, the sour cherry. 
And if a woman turns you down, it does not make her a lesbian either. It is the height of arrogance and stupidity to believe that you are so irresistible that only a lesbian would reject you. No matter how handsome and charming you are, there will be some women who will not want to have sex with you. It is as simple as that. 

Women have different preferences, tastes and values. And if the object of your desire really is a lesbian, do not kid yourself into thinking that all she needs is a good sexing with a firm phallus to set her straight, literally and figuratively. It does not work like that. You will just be making an ass of yourself. 

Yes, sex sweet. Sweet bad. But we must learn to take no for an answer gracefully. Remember that all of us on this planet began life in the womb of a woman. We ought to be respectful. 

- Michael Abrahams is a gynaecologist and obstetrician, comedian and poet. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com and michabe_1999@hotmail.com, or tweet @mikeyabrahams.