Tue | Oct 16, 2018

Gordon Robinson | Be careful who you ask for

Published:Tuesday | September 25, 2018 | 12:00 AM

In Apocrypha, that unreal Fantasyland far beyond the clouds, Opposition political party, Promoting National Poverty (PNP), was all excited about its upcoming annual conference.

The secretariat, in planning sessions, asked itself the most important question: "How can we ensure maximum coverage for our event? We want popularity at any cost." They decided to invite an empathetic foreign movie star as guest speaker to pump up ratings and guarantee utmost visibility. "We want a black man who projects youth, charm and optimism," they reasoned.

Eventually, famous young black actor Barackaria Sellers was asked to be guest speaker. Barackaria had starred in a series of comedies called The Black Panther (with sequels), featuring a clumsy black police inspector and directed by highly sought-after film director Black Bedward.

Barackaria gleefully accepted the invitation, especially as he learned he would meet PNP beauty queen and foreign affairs expert Li Onna, and escape the worst of a large typhoon threatening his homeland. What better place to spend a day away from typhoon-ravaged home than a tropical paradise like Apocrypha? What better way to spend that safe time than discussing foreign affairs with Li Onna? Sounded win-win to Barackaria!

So, Li helped Barackaria bone up, especially on details of the governing party's, Just Lazy People's (JLP), wrongdoings, and he prepared a populist speech, delivered in the cadence of former black civil-rights leaders, in which he remonstrated against corruption. But nobody had told him this was a subject more likely to make his audience cringe than cheer.

True to his movie character, Inspector Foolseau, his verbal shots hit closer to home than his intended target and many realised he might've unwittingly released a few unpalatable pigeons among some curious cats.

PNP members with good memories and clear minds grumbled among themselves that they thought he was going to talk about his movies' relevance to progressive politics. Or black consciousness. Or youth empowerment! So Li Onna slipped out of the after-party and consulted Oma D'unn about how to limit the likely political fallout not only to the PNP, but to herself, as photo ops of her greeting him at the airport were all over media and inextricably linked her with the man who accidentally dredged up memories of PNP corruption it hoped were buried forever.

 

Political problems

 

By now, all readers know Oma, retired politician and PhD in logic who, like a moon, was bright only in the dark, but solved political problems with parables. Li asked Oma how to prevent likely media pushback. Oma told her to marry Barackaria. She was puzzled, so he told her the story of the wife who wanted out.

"A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He asks, 'What are you doing?'

"She answers, 'I'm migrating to the Netherlands! I heard that prostitutes there get paid $400 for what I'm doing to YOU for FREE!'

"Later, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase. So, she asks him, 'Where do YOU think you're going?'

"He replies, 'I'm coming, too. I want to see how you live on $800 a year.'"

Li still didn't get it, so Oma patiently explained that what Barackaria had inadvertently done to the PNP was a once-a-year phenomenon. Twice per year at worst! Like a very bad curry goat, it, too, would pass. If Li and the PNP just acted with Barackaria like most married couples behave, it wouldn't happen again and they would rarely speak to each other. He also cautioned Li to be careful who or what she or the PNP asked for in the future, because NOTHING, including charismatic black men, is as it appears, so she AND the PNP just might have their wishes granted.

There's nothing like a good fantasy to turn small things into big things and hope to spring fraternal.

Peace and love.

- Gordon Robinson is an attorney-at-law. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com.