Sun | Nov 17, 2019

Patria-Kaye Aarons | Don’t yuck my yum!

Published:Wednesday | October 23, 2019 | 12:09 AM

Some time last year, I learnt a brilliant expression. It was used in relation to food. You know when someone brings their peculiar lunch into the office. And because someone else doesn’t eat it, their response is “Laaawwddd”.

‘Don’t yuck my yum!’ I like what I like, even if you don’t. And I’m entitled to my personal pleasures without your articulated disapproval. If it isn’t hurting you, back off!

I actually feel it a genius expression to apply to life. Mind your own business and don’t yuck my yum.

If a couple wants to have sex with left-handed twins and a bendy midget, I don’t care. If a husband does the hokey pokey in his wife’s ear every night from now until Christmas, and she likes it, that’s their prerogative. It’s not my cup of tea; my eardrums are sensitive. But more power to her.

I care zero what grown folks choose to do in the privacy of their bedrooms. Or on the side of the road, for that matter. Provided everybody willingly signs up for the thrills and spills; get as kinky as your conscience and old bones will allow.

If the buggery law ever went to a referendum tomorrow, I’d be first in line to have it repealed. The rubbish argument that it’s there to protect society’s vulnerable holds as much water as wicker. The buggery law isn’t stopping gay men from having sex with men. Nor is it stopping straight men from exploring back there. As illegal as buggery may be.

All forced sexual acts on a man, woman, boy or girl should be a crime. A crime with a punishment equally as egregious to the perpetrator, as the violation is to the victim. Children must be protected from predators. Our laws must be redefined and strengthened to recognise and punish all forms of sexual assault against people who are too young to make those decisions or who are too weak to stave off the cruel and violent infringement on any of their private parts.

BIG GAPING HOLES

Our current laws have big gaping holes. And the fact that our homophobic politicians chose not to discuss this, for fear of seeming to support the gay agenda, is one fat load of nonsense.

In the instance of consenting adults, who gave the law the right to be the penis police? Or the church for that matter. Surely they can find other things to demonstrate against.

Are we good with Muslims protesting bacon by the supermarket meat aisle? Should Seventh-day Adventists stand in front of Sunday churches bearing placards that people are worshipping on the wrong day? Rasta must publicly bun fire pon every woman in jeans? Hindus must chain the door of Tastee patty?

Holy cow! Don’t yuck my yum!

I think it such a waste of the court’s time that we are going through such lengths to bar a social group of taxpayers from using a space maintained by taxpayers. What’s the big deal? We fear they’re going to have one big gay orgy in the hall and it will leave a stain? I just don’t get it. The church, and now the state, being so overly concerned with sex and people’s sexuality, is an unhealthy obsession. Butt out!

Patria-Kaye Aarons is a confectioner and broadcaster. Email feedback to columns@gleanerjm.com and findpatria@gmail.com