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Bad day at the patty shop - Getting on bad, just to get served

Published:Monday | August 25, 2014 | 12:00 AM
Daviot Kelly
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If you know me, you know I love patties; all the major brands have got my money in the past.

I was in one patty shop recently, just trying to source two 'bull-cow' meat pastries for my growling stomach. It was a busy night and so I was more than prepared to wait my turn. But you know me get 'dark' quicker than the first person takes to blow their horn after the light turns green. The receipts are numbered, plus you kind of remember when you cashed and who you cashed before. But, apparently, I didn't have anywhere going as much as other people, because dem jus' present dem self to the front a di waiting section.

Mi nuh vex yet because the receipts are numbered. Except, Tom, Dick, Harry, Mavis and Bertha (who all came in after yours truly) start get fi dem meals (note, we ordered the same things), leaving me standing there like 'idlaz'. Only thing I needed was some weed fi rub inna mi hand middle. So in my best low voice (shouting just ain't my thing), I asked the server closer to me if they're still handing out food based on the numbers on tickets or is it just about who grabs their attention first? I could see she's a very patient individual; quite frankly you have to be to work in such industries. But as nice as she was, her explanation was about as helpful as trying to patch a flat tyre with bubble gum.

"Well is just di two of us serving round here," she said. Ahm, first off mi did know that already 'cause I was standing there; so, this was not exactly breaking news. Second, and more importantly, you don't abandon the numbers system when the line is long; you do it when there are likkle bit a people inna di line! It's when things are threatening to bubble over you stick to the stipulated format, because that's the one that brings more order. Seriously? Just goes to prove, once again, what we already know. If yuh nuh shub up yuhself like ol' neaga, you don't get anywhere in this country.

When yours truly was finally presented with his patties, the lady said, pleasantly, "Mi see yuh a watch mi fi mek sure." Ahm, what do you expect, considering I should have been out of there 15 minutes ago? Sigh. Mi tell you ennuh, this thing nah go work. Older people, small children, and those who refuse to push and bore like pigs in a pen, are an endangered species.

Oh, and fi all di people who did bore past mi, a hope di patty bun unnu! Or betta yet, dash wey before u get fi nyam it! Out a orda!

Link me at daviot.kelly@gleanerjm.com