Tue | Jun 27, 2017

Nah brush no teeth!

Published:Monday | September 1, 2014 | 9:00 AM
Daviot Kelly

Remember back in the '90s when one of the popular dancehall phrases was 'Nah watch nuh face?'

Well, some persons substituted 'watch' for 'wash' and added in 'nah brush nuh teeth' and 'nah comb nuh hair' in there for good measure. Well, the nah brush nuh teeth part might be closer to reality. In case you missed it (whether by the skin of your teeth or a wider margin), there was a little alarm early last month about toothpaste.

Watching TVJ news one night, at my chill spot, saw a story emanating from The British Daily Mail newspaper, that the chemical, triclosan, used in Colgate Total, is linked to cancer cell growth. One man immediately declared, "Mi nuh use Colgate still." Convenient huh? But what got everyone's attention, was when the report said the chemical can also lead to low sperm count. Now that's when most of the men really got nervous.

"Say wha?" one shouted. "Low sperm count? No sah, mi nah brush nuh teeth." I guess he'd rather have gingivitis than not have as many of his boys swimming around. But then, if your teeth and gums aren't right, how will he woo the ladies? Anyway, before you decide you're not brushing your teeth anymore, the story did also point out that the adverse effects were found in mice and rats. By the way, I'm not sure why rodents always get the short end of the experiment stick.

Colgate said the chemical would have to be taken in large doses. Plus, the US Food and Drug Administration and Jamaican authorities said they're investigating. So nobody's telling anybody to change their toothpaste tendencies.

This definitely reminds me of the testy tissue issue that came up last year. Jamaicans, being the alarmists we are, were prepared to resort to the good old book leaf, newspaper and banana leaf when it was found some brands of toilet paper had above-allowed level of bacteria. Now what would be the alternative with teeth? Well, first off people would just use other brands. Sensodyne, Crest (and I don't remember the rest) woulda sell off! But other than that there's mouthwash (they always tell you brushing alone doesn't help), good old baking soda, and if all else fails, just use di so-so brush.

But at this rate, we're not going to use any products. Not deodorant, not lotion, not aftershave, nutten! We'll have a bunch of 'green', black-toothed, people walking around. We'll look like extras from a zombie movie. Yikes! But for some people who already go natural, that would be no problem and we would get to see who the real beauties are. But all this chemical scare stuff cannot make for a peaceful night's rest, if you take them seriously.

So, follow the experts for now; brush away folks. And if the worst comes to the worst, pass di baking soda. Lata.

Smile with me at daviot.kelly@gleanerjm.com