Wed | Dec 7, 2016

Making us Work - Lai Dectector 101

Published:Monday | September 29, 2014 | 12:00 AM

Krysta Anderson, Lifestyle Writer

Boy meets girl, and in a leap of faith, they embark on the journey that would lead to long and lasting love.

A lot of effort is placed in reaching their official destination, and once they have arrived, then the real work begins in creating and sustaining a solid foundation. In the words of Christopher Lai, "Love is like a phone number. You should know it by heart."

The relationship writer, who started out as a blogger, took to the pages to create his very own book, the Lai Dectector. Since then, he has been receiving rave reviews for telling it like it is or how one ought to be when it comes to love.

His frequent DOs and DON'Ts are cleverly presented, with objective and helpful advice offered to not only fellowmen, but women as well.

Flair sat down with Lai to get his views on approaching different stages of love and relationship. Here is his take on some random, yet relevant questions, pertaining to matters of the heart:

How long should a guy date a girl before he makes it official?

You can't really identify a timeline because every situation is different.

If a man is courting a woman, he shouldn't parade around with her just for show and use her only for his satisfaction. It's not fair to just keep a woman around. A commitment confirms that she is special. So he should try not to spew idiocies like "she knows that I like her but we're just not official".

If he enjoys her company, he shouldn't hesitate to ask her to be his girlfriend. Wouldn't it be nice if she could share in the excitement with family members during the Christmas season? Wouldn't it be great if mom could show her all the embarrassing baby pictures?

If a man is in a relationship, is it okay for another woman to text him late at nights?

At 10:15 p.m., when another woman sends you a text message, "Hey, what's up?", you know that's trouble (even if you're innocent). Clearly, this girl was comfortable enough to think it was cool to message you this late, and clearly you're going to have to answer these questions from your lady love. "Who is this?" "Why is she messaging you?" "So, are you gonna respond?"

A man can't guarantee that another woman will not message him after hours, but he can minimise the possibility by making it clear that he's in a committed relationship.

Why and what do you think is the main reason for women cheating?

If I had to pinpoint one reason, I would say a woman is more likely to cheat when her man has become complacent. There is no justification for cheating, but it can happen because men tend to fulfil the expectations of their women in the courting stages but then become less engaged as time passes. Date nights become less frequent; cuddling becomes a chore. Then, a nice young man comes along and does what he ought to be doing in the first place.

Should a man have an issue with his girl's past?

It's not okay for a man to sleep with more than 20 women and then expect to date someone who has been involved with fewer than five men. The truth is, he shouldn't be investigating her past. But if he must be Sherlock Holmes, he should try not to be hypocritical.

What is your take on a woman proposing to a man?

I don't think she should. That decision would emasculate most men. Whether or not you think that's petty, it's the reality.

Look at it this way: A woman has enough to do. She has to plan the wedding, she has to change her last name, plus she has to retake her driver's licence picture at least five times (or until satisfied). If she's willing to make these sacrifices (among other things), then wouldn't it be great to allow her man to propose, to know that he wants the same things she does?

If he proposes, it would unequivocally speak to his desires and intentions.

The economist and assistant football coach by day can be found at nights blogging on LIVING THE LAI (Chrispaullai.WordPress.com) or posting in between time on his Facebook page www.facebook.com/TheLaiDetector

krysta.anderson@gleanerjm.com