Sat | Dec 3, 2016

The sanctity of marriage

Published:Monday | September 29, 2014 | 12:00 AM

After my date with Jason, I had a lot to think about. Andrew and I have been spending so much time together, and I was thinking about introducing him to my children, and then here comes Jason. I didn't plan to introduce him as my boyfriend; I wasn't ready for those questions yet.

Andrew had made plans to come down for the weekend, and even though he had made reservations at a nearby hotel, I wanted to make him dinner Saturday night and enjoy a quiet evening with him at my home. All being well, I planned to introduce him to my kids on Sunday when they returned home from their dad. I wanted to see how he interacted with them and vice versa.

The Big Reveal

Andrew came down early Friday evening and came straight to my office. We were still talking every morning, but I was also talking to Jason in the mornings. I would see Jason at least three times in the week because he would stop by my office or invite me out for lunch, so seeing Andrew now felt refreshing. I truly enjoyed being in his company. The broad smile on my face made it very clear that I was happy to see him.

We left my office and I asked him if I could stop by the supermarket before he took me home. I wanted to get some things I needed for the next day's dinner, plus do my regular grocery shopping. It felt so good to see him, and we were chatting up a storm while I shopped.

It took me by surprise when I heard someone call his name. We turned around to see an older woman - who he immediately recognised - walking towards us, and they hugged and started talking at the same time.

He introduced me to her as his friend and they continued talking. It turns out they hadn't seen each other in almost three years since she relocated to Montego Bay. She was a good friend of his mother's. She must not have sensed any chemistry between us because her next question to him shocked me. But it was his response that completely threw me. She asked him how his wife was and said she was doing okay.

We had talked about our lives in its entirety and he had never mentioned a wife. I started replaying all the conversations we had had to see if I had missed something. I was pretty sure I hadn't, but there was no harm in checking. They hugged and promised to keep in touch, and she walked off.

He started to push the trolley for us to continue shopping and I told him to stop. I asked him how come he hadn't mentioned a wife before. He said he would explain later, and I told him I was ready.

We left the groceries in the trolley and headed to the car. You could see from the look on Andrew's face that he was sorry that we had run into this woman.

He began by telling me that he hadn't seen his wife in more than six years and that she lived in Canada. He said that they had got married eight years ago and the marriage lasted less than a year before they decided it wasn't going to work. I asked him why he had never divorced her, and he told me that it wasn't so easy. For reasons he couldn't discuss with me, they could not divorce each other but they had no claims on each other. She was living her life in Canada and he had his life here.

He must have seen the look of disbelief on my face because he offered to call her to prove that he wasn't lying. I didn't care what arrangement he and his wife had, for me marriage is sacred.

impure thoughts

By this time, we had arrived at my house. I kept replaying all the things he had said and all that we had done together. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that I had kissed someone's husband and had even had impure thoughts about him. The fact that I was clueless about the fact didn't make me feel any better. He couldn't understand why I was letting this "non-issue" bother me. I explained to him that I wanted it all. I wanted my own husband and he already had a wife. Since he had indicated to me that they couldn't divorce, then he could never be my husband. I would never be comfortable or happy being with someone who was married - even if that person was married only in name.

I had committed many sins in my life and I wasn't about to add adultery to the list. He agreed to give me some space and said he would call me the next day. He had already paid for his reservation so it didn't make any sense to go back home. He leaned over to kiss my cheek, and I turned my face away and got out the car.

I couldn't believe all that had transpired in the last two hours! How did everything go so wrong so fast? I had been anticipating seeing him all week, and now that he was here, I didn't want to look at him. He claimed he hadn't lied, but to me, he had lied by omission. I always ask people to tell me the truth and let me deal with it. Never decide what you think I should know and what I shouldn't. I felt hurt, disappointed, and betrayed.

All the emotions I felt when my ex had cheated on me came rushing back. I didn't know if I should be relieved that I had found this out or angry because once again, I had let my guard down. I wish he had just been honest from the beginning. We would never have got to this stage and I wouldn't be feeling like a complete jackass.

After four years as a single mother devoting her life to her four children, Yanique Quest has decided to re-enter the dating world. Join us each week as we chronicle her dating journey in Yanique's Quest.