Bird shooting with Jason
There is nothing wrong with wanting it all. I can't settle, I won't settle. It was during a conversation with some female friends of mine and one male, that I realised that people had been short-changing themselves in the name of what they call 'love'.
My friends had all grown fond of Andrew, and when I told them he was married, they didn't care. They couldn't understand why I would walk away from a man who treated me so well in such a short time. All I kept hearing was that all the good men are either married, committed or gay, so I need to decide which one of the three would work best for me.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. They were all encouraging me to call him. They thought I was lucky because his wife was overseas. I wasn't about to let their nonsense change my mind though. As I had explained to Andrew in the days that followed, I could never date a married man. It goes against everything I believe in. It's one thing when a man is in a committed relationship, but once God has touched that union, I am not playing with it. I can honestly say that I miss talking to him in the mornings, and I miss his funny texts throughout the day but, in my head, he was unavailable and that wasn't changing anytime soon.
A Bird Affair
I was still spending most of my lunch breaks with Jason and we would talk on the phone daily, but I had become extremely hesitant. I guess he could sense my withdrawal, because he started asking me if everything was okay. It took a while, but I kicked it and moved on. Jason had invited me bird shooting with him and some of his friends. It was the last day of the season and they would be having a cook-out at the river after. I had told him no initially, because I wanted to stay as far away from mosquitoes as possible with this chikungunya virus going around.
However, I changed my mind and told him I would join him after the shooting for the cook-out. He picked me up on the Sunday morning and we headed out into the hills of Stewart Town in Trelawny. It was about 10 vehicles travelling together with men, women and children, all excited to go cook out. When we got to the location, there were other vehicles parked up and music was playing. Most of the persons there were wearing their camouflage because they had come directly from bird shooting. I felt a little out of place at first, but it didn't take long for me to relax. Jason seemed to know everybody and as he introduced me to them, I began to relax.
We sat under the tent and started talking. It was always easy to talk to him and, in the short time that I had known him, he had introduced me to so many things. He was a quiet and humble guy and I always got the feeling when we were together no one else was in the room. I had his full attention. Jason said I was the one always asking him questions, but he had a few of his own to ask me. I answered his many questions about my life, kids and my goals. He listened intently and then commented that I was a strong woman. Any woman who can raise four kids, especially three boys, had to be strong. It was a pity he didn't know that sometimes I didn't feel strong. I found myself questioning the decisions I had made in my life so often and trying to avoid making the same mistakes again, that sometimes I forgot to breathe.
It wasn't easy and it took a long time for me to realise that my kids are at their happiest when I am happy.
While the men went about preparing the food, we walked down to the river. I could see that he liked children because of the way he was interacting with the kids there. He was playful and watchful at the same time. But I wasn't ready to introduce him to my children. I came very close to introducing Andrew to them, but I wanted to be extra sure this time.
He had never been married and he was also from another country and culture. He told me once that his mother had told him that she was waiting on him to marry a nice 'native' girl and that she wasn't talking about a Jamaican one, so I was proceeding with caution.
We spent the rest of the day chatting, eating and dancing to some good old school reggae. He was attentive all day. When we got to my house that evening, I was sad to see the day end. We sat in the car talking for a few minutes and when I was leaving, I kissed him. I had truly enjoyed my day with him. He was attentive, warm and quite affectionate. He opened doors and he held my hand. You hardly see men doing that anymore and I found it quite refreshing. As usual, he promised to call me when he got home, and drove off. Knowing Jason, he would probably show up at my office tomorrow at lunchtime, and I was really looking forward to it. I would be terribly disappointed if he didn't.