Wed | Sep 19, 2018

When consolation becomes confirmation

Published:Monday | October 20, 2014 | 12:00 AM

Krysta Anderson, Lifestyle Writer

In the '90s hit song, You Make Me Wanna, international singer and songwriter Usher reflects on running to his female best friend about the issues in his relationship. She would suggest nice things he could do to diffuse the situation, not knowing he wished he was with her instead.

Things aren't always as easy as 1,2,3. Life is filled with gray areas and curved balls, like falling for someone you least expect while experiencing a rough patch in your relationship.

This could be an old friend, a new friend, or even your partner's friend that you turn to in times of need. Sometimes it works out for the best while other times, both would have been better off being friends. Here are testimonials from two of our readers on their unexpected luck with love.

The intimacy was breaking down in my relationship at the time. I didn't feel loved, and just couldn't find that balance of friendship and relationship a guy would want to have with his girlfriend. I met a new friend and was fascinated by how well we clicked. We started spending time with each other - platonic, quality time - which I needed. This set the stage for intimacy which came easy, considering I was sexually attracted to her, too. Pretty soon, I broke up with my girlfriend and moved forward with my new girlfriend. One year later, we have still maintained the friendship within our relationship.

- G.R., 26, Male

My situation was a little more complicated than I expected it to be. I was in a relationship with my high-school crush, but was introduced to someone new once I made it to college. My college friend and I would speak about the problems of my long-distant relationship that I was on my way out of. I needed advice from a man's perspective so I would turn to him, and he would try to help. We also talked about other interests such as movies, food and life experiences. I adored my then boyfriend and would have done anything to make the relationship work. But we were at different points in our lives and could not make the current situation beneficial to the both of us, so we parted. When that was over, I was really sad and I declined from speaking to the friend, so that I wouldn't get my emotions confused and twisted. A few months later, however, he and I reignited our friendship, which led to something more. After nine months, we began dating, then it got serious. We were together for three years, despite the battles. But the struggles of year three got worse when my ex resurfaced and wanted to talk. Dumb move on my part because I still had feelings for him, so, naturally, I was asking for trouble when I went to lunch behind my boyfriend's back. The cycle continued and I started to vent all over again. Ironic, isn't it? We started seeing each other consistently for months and after a while, I ended up back at square one with my high-school crush. But that was short-lived as the previous problems re-presented themselves. So now I'm friends with them both and would not consider going back to either. Some people come into your lives for a reason, some a season and some a lifetime: both these guys fall into a reason and a season respectively; still waiting for my lifetime.

- M.K., 24, female