Tue | Dec 6, 2016

Yanique's Quest-Young Love

Published:Monday | November 10, 2014 | 12:00 AM

A few evenings ago, I was sitting in a bus when a young man entered and sat down directly behind me.

He was on his phone and I could tell he was talking to a woman. I couldn't hear what he was saying, but his phone speaker was turned up so loud, I could hear the woman telling him that she wasn't in the mood to talk and just wanted to lie down. After a while, I didn't hear her anymore, so I assumed she had hung up. The man leaned forward and asked me if he could ask me a question. I told him sure and he asked me, "How do you know when someone is no longer interested in you?"

He seemed quite young and could have passed for a teenager. But the fact that he seemed to be coming from work made it clear he wasn't.

I didn't know how to answer this young man, but I wanted to know why he thought she was no longer interested. Based on the little conversation I had heard, she didn't seem too happy.

He said every time he calls her, she is either busy or sleeping, and it seems like he is bothering her. I told him to just wait until she calls because everybody needs their space sometimes. He said she has been acting strange for the last three days, and he had some deep feelings for her and didn't want to lose her.

uncomfortable feeling

I had a little flashback of my life when he said that. I had to draw myself back to the present. It isn't a nice feeling when you have no clue where you stand in a relationship. I asked him how long they had been together and his answer totally threw me. He said he met her two weeks ago, and it was like a lightning bolt for both of them.

The attraction was so strong they spent every free moment they had with each other or on the phone in the first week, but she has been sick with chikungunya for the last six days, so he hadn't seen her. I couldn't believe he was acting like this over a girl he barely knew. I doubt he knew her favourite colour or even her birthday. Is this really what people call love at first sight? No sah!! I explained to the young man that it seemed like he was moving too fast for the young lady and needed to give her time or risk scaring her away.

He said he has never felt this way about another girl before and he

didn't know if he could risk giving her space. She may find someone else in that time. Since I realised that his mind was already made up, I gave up trying to explain anything to him.

He must have called her about 50 times before I got off the bus and she never picked up once. The last thing I remember thinking before I got off was that I hope I never become that desperate for companionship. It was not a good look at all.

Martin, 42, businessman, five children

After my date weekend with Jason, I couldn't stop thinking about him. There was so much that I liked and admired about him as a person and a man.

That being said, I knew I had to let nature run its course and see where it would take us if anywhere at all. It was with that in mind that I accepted a movie date from Martin. He was a guy I had met one Saturday when I went to the movies alone.

The movie he had wanted to see was sold out and he had asked me to make a recommendation. I told him that I was there to see the Jamaican film Destiny and he could try that. We ended up sitting together during the movies and exchanging numbers after.

He was already at the cinema when I arrived, and we decided to stay outside where it was warm until it was time for the movie. I didn't know much about Martin, but I knew he had five children, the eldest was 21, so I took the opportunity to ask him about his children.

He told me that four of them were living with their mother and the eldest lived on campus. She was in her second year at teacher's college. I probed a little further, and that was when I discovered that when he said lived with their mom, he was talking about four different women. Five women if you counted the eldest at college.

I was intrigued, I always wanted to know how and why a man would choose to have his children scattered all over the island instead of in one home.

Martin began by telling me that it was so much easier for a man when he had multiple 'baby mamas'. His explanation I call utter rubbish, but, hey, who am I to pass judgement on anyone's life choices?

QUESTIONABLE VALUES

This is his take: First, when you put all your eggs in one basket, that's where all your money goes. Second, he only impregnated professional women who didn't have any other children besides his. This ensured that she wouldn't be ringing off his phone if the child wanted anything, because she was capable of taking care of the child's need alone if

necessary. He also mentioned that

his father had 11 children with 11 women, and he didn't see anything wrong with it. He feels children have better and more opportunities when it's done that way.

I didn't have a clue how to respond to all that. I reminded him that I had four kids, and he said

that didn't bother him because they had a father. I knew at that exact moment that this was a waste of time. I told him just that and

decided to leave. I was so disappointed in myself for not taking the time to learn some basic details about him before agreeing to the date. I can't believe that this was really the explanation that this man had for the choices he had made.

A small part of me was happy that it didn't work out with Martin because my mind was still caught up on Jason.