Wed | Sep 19, 2018

We want justice...for the grooms

Published:Monday | December 1, 2014 | 12:00 AM

Not sure when December became the wedding month after June/July held the title for centuries. But hey, things change.

One thing I would love to see change is people stop saying it's the bride's day. Ahm, last time I checked, the blushing belle needs a beau in order to wed. But this wedding thing is skewed badly towards the female. Think about it. There's no grand entrance for the groom. No, he's expected to sit there waiting like he's on death row (well, his single life is about to end, so, technically ...). You know why his groomsmen wipe sweat from his brow? Because some brides take so long, di man must start worry if she coming after all. I demand that the goodly grooms, who started this whole blooming thing by proposing in the first place, should get more recognition.

If a bride is late, no big deal (unless she really starts stretching it). But boss man is expected to be there bright and early. Anyhow him late, World War start. The friends of the bride immediately think 'this bredda yah nuh serious'; his reputation gets a bigger hit than that of an NHT board member. As for the fashion component of the glorious day, the bride's pictures are paramount. Some brides are so vain, the humble husband might have to photobomb just to get into one.

A bride gets her hair done, puts on nails (which she'll probably never do again), and dabs on enough make-up that her face is heat resistant. Some brides look so different, even close relatives might wonder if they're at the right wedding. But you ever notice nobody, except maybe for the groom's relatives and friends, ever say how dapper the groom is? Not even the person toasting him might compliment his haircut, or suit. No, you're more likely to hear jokes about how goofy he was in high school and hushed jabs of disbelief that he landed such a hot wife.

If the bride cries at the altar, everybody goes "aawww" and her friends and female relatives also turn on the waterworks. As a veteran colleague always says, "all who cyan swim, drown!" But if di groom starts crying, the same audience wonders aloud "a wah do dis yah man yah? A bawl like woman!" I'm sure you've been to more weddings than I have, but if you've ever heard that a particular floral arrangement or piece of decoration was chosen by the groom, let me know. The most you'll hear is 'the couple' chose it. Translation: the woman liked it, and because Romeo nuh out fi drop di baton so close to di finish line, him agree! Wedding day is not a democracy, and wifey is Fidel Castro!

Trust me, wedding day is about the bride, with everybody else a distant second. And like Wally British say, "we are tiyurd of it." We want justice fi di grooms!

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