Mon | Sep 25, 2017

Kellys World Awards 2014

Published:Monday | January 5, 2015 | 1:00 AM
Lisa Hanna

Thank you! Thank you! and welcome to the annual Kellys World Awards.

I have to tell you, this year was a news-filled one, even with stories that really werent news. Cant say we delved even further into the budget for the prizes than usual, but such is life. So without further ado (and as best as I can), here goes.

News Story of the Year: Nominees Professor Brendan Bain being axed and chik-V. This was a tough one, because the whole freedom of speech/stand for morality movement elicited a strong response. But...

Winner: The mosquitoes! With all due respect to Professor Bain and the resultant marches/protests against immorality, chik-V, specifically the mosquitoes that carry it, literally bit everyone. Every parish got touched, and while the drunk in the rum bar might not have a clue who name Bain, him did get bite.

Scandal of the Year: Nominees NHT buying Outameni, the sex-education book saga, Energy World International (EWI) and questions about its selection, and the Goat Islands mess. The environmentalists are still fighting for Goat Islands, EWI kinda felt like a nine-day wonder, and I was tempted to go with Outameni, but...

Winner: The book saga gets the top spot. Directors of Jamaicans For Justice resigned in its aftermath. Most of the NHT stayed. When a scandal nudges people out of their seats, thats a biggie.

Make Wi Fret Award: Nominees Ebola and Drought. Yeah, we envisioned being really thirsty. But the thing is, being an island, you expect rain at some point so ...

Winner: Ebola. Look yah man, there was more fretting than on New Years Eve, 1999. And the threat continues even though the Ebola news kinda ease off likkle.

Non-Story of the Year: Nominees Yendi and Chino, Lisa Hanna and her bikini, and Dr Carolyn Cooper and the KC Clan. This was probably the toughest award to decide because, Pupa Jeezas, all of these were terrible!

Winner: Dr Cooper and the boys (sounds like a 60s group). Trust me, that one went on waaaay too long! At least with the other two, people moved on much faster.

Sporting Achievement of the Year: Nominees Alia Atkinsons gold medal at the World Short Course swimming championships, Nicholas Axeman Walters becoming the World Boxing Associations Welterweight Super champion, and the Reggae Boyz winning the Caribbean Cup.

Winner: Got to be Alia. Were proud of Axeman and the Boyz but Jamaicans have had world boxing titles and weve won the Caribbean trophy before. Alia is reaching new heights (or should we say depths because its a pool?). First Jamaican swimmer to win a world title? Argument done!

Special Awards

Mystery of the Year Award: Malaysian flight MH370. All now dem cant find it.

Anti-climax Award: Goes to the Mount Rosser by-pass. People clamoured for it and when they got it, couldnt climb it.

Clueless Award: To the witnesses at the Tivoli Enquiry who obviously have no idea what a commission of enquiry is about.

Quote of the Year: I dont know nutten bout dat! from a witness at the aforementioned commission of enquiry.

Hype Moment of the Year: Got to be Gully Bop and his meteoric rise from the dumps to dancehalls biggest show, Sting. But watch it Mr Bop; things can disappear as quickly as they came.

So there you have it, the Kellys World Awards for 2014. Hoping 2015 provides just as much material. Cheers!

Give me your choice of awards and winners at daviot.kelly@gleanerjm.com