It's amazing how your life and goals can change within a short period of time. I find myself dreaming about things that I had long since forgotten, because I had become a mother and was busy taking care of my family.
I am sure that I am not the only woman who has thought she could no longer do something because she has a family. Well I have learnt that the only thing that was holding me back was me. I could find 10 excuses not to do something, and nine of those would have been my children. My children have become my biggest motivator telling me "yes Mommy" anytime I mention something I wanted to do. I waited so long to start dating after I broke up with their father, because I wasn't sure how they would react, when all they wanted was for me to be happy.
Richardo, 37 years old, Architect
Everytime I visited Kingston, I ran into Richardo. He was usually at my favourite cafÈ when I arrived or he would arrive within minutes after I did. This particular Saturday, he stopped where I sat reading and having my coffee to ask if I was stalking him. I hadn't realised that he had also noticed this trend. I didn't even think he had noticed me because he never looked my way. We started joking about it and he sat down.
I honestly wasn't looking for company this time because I had promised Jason that we would FaceTime in about 15 minutes. He has been overseas for two weeks and whenever he got a break he would call and we would talk for a few minutes. Well, I wasn't about to be rude and ask Richardo to leave, but I was silently hoping that this conversation wouldn't go beyond 10 minutes.
I started to introduce myself to him but he was already aware of who I was. He had read about my quest a few times and said he couldn't understand why I would put myself out there so much for public scrutiny. I told him I didn't look at things like that and I was actually just sharing my story. He said he could never do something like that because he would feel naked.
Richardo had been single for over six months. He said it
wasn't by choice, but the woman he had been dating decided that she wanted out of the relationship, and he wasn't one to fight. They had only been dating for three months so he didn't feel any need to hang on to it. He asked me about my children and we started talking about our families. I tend to talk a lot when people ask me about my kids. I find myself wanting to share their personalities because they are some amazing children. I must have been talking for a while because I saw a call coming in from Jason. I excused myself to take the call and asked Jason if I could call him when I was done. When I returned to the table, Richardo was getting up to leave. He wanted to know if I was busy that evening. He wasn't inviting me on a date, but he wanted us to finish our conversation.
When I got to the agreed location, he was already there. He told me that he had spent his evening reading all of my stories that he could find online. I asked him what he thought of them and he said it only made him curious to know the woman. I liked Richardo from the little that I knew, but I wasn't feeling the chemistry I did when Jason was around. I found my mind drifting to Jason and wondering what time it was now where he was. It wasn't the first time that I had been in the presence of a man and found myself thinking about Jason. He unleashed some feelings inside me that I thought had died many years ago. And although I wasn't sure where we were headed, I knew I was wasting my time talking to Richardo. If he was anything close to Jason, I would be laughing so hard right now with tears running down my cheeks. He was always trying to make me smile and I couldn't wait for him to get back. I could only hope that he was missing me half as much as I was missing him. I had two weeks to go before he would be back, and I couldn't't wait for those two weeks to be over. He was all I seemed to think about.
Jason has been gone for two weeks now and although we talk at least twice a day, I find myself missing him terribly.