Mon | Oct 15, 2018

The worry factor

Published:Monday | March 9, 2015 | 12:00 AM

It's always a pleasure listening to my children talk among themselves. Sometimes I pretend not to be listening and just enjoy their interaction. There is no doubt in my mind that each of my children has added some value to my existence and was brought into my life for a purpose. Mothers always say sons are a blessing, and I agree wholeheartedly, but I find myself obsessing over my daughter and the choices she will make in her life.

I was talking to my mother the other day and I asked her "How do you tell your daughter not to choose a man like her father?" It wasn't the first time I had found myself asking that question, but it was the first time that I uttered the words out loud. Usually, these conversations happen in my head. My mother laughed at first and then she reminded me how in love I was when I met him. It was during this conversation that she reminded me that all I can do is guide my children and the rest is up to them.

Let me be clear, I had some amazing years with their dad, but I wouldn't want my children raising children in a broken home. Ideally, I would have loved if my children were being raised by both parents, but that wasn't to be. I strongly believe that children need the guidance of both parents daily. There are some things that moms can't do and vice versa.

Her father had excellent qualities, but he didn't seem like he would be settling down anytime soon, and I didn't want my daughter to find herself in a relationship with a man who I believe doesn't know what he wants. Sometimes when I reflect, I realise that there were a few signs that he wasn't the person I thought, but I guess I ignored them.

I want my daughter to find her perfect husband sent down by the Almighty specifically for her and no one else. Well, at least I want her to find that after she has gotten her degree, but because she seems to be growing up so fast, I can't help but think about it.


Kiddies Day Out


Jason and I decided to take the children to the movies. He hadn't seen them since he got back, and they would be home for the weekend so everything worked itself out. My children always enjoyed going out with him. He was like a big kid with them, he would get excited at the little things they did and make jokes with them. Sometimes when they would start arguing among themselves and I am about to intervene, he would tell me to leave them and let them handle their own issues. For me, that was a new concept because they called Mommy for everything. I was the judge, referee and warden in their lives, but what he had suggested worked. After about five minutes of fussing (if your ears can take it) they would be okay again and on to the next thing. I usually couldn't wait that long, so I always intervened so I could have my peace and quiet.

When we got to the movies, I told him to let the children go watch their movie and we could watch an adult one. He said he wanted to watch the kiddies one with them because it seemed more interesting than any adult movie that was showing. I knew my children so I doubt he would be able to watch the movie because they would chat and get all animated during the movie, especially since it was 3D. To my surprise, my children sat back and hardly said a word throughout the movie. This was so unlike them, but I wasn't complaining because I was actually getting to enjoy the movie.

When it was over, he told them that since they had been perfect little people, he was going to take them for Chinese. I was surprised when they said they wanted to go because my children usually wanted KFC or Pizza Hut after a movie. We went to have dinner and for the whole night I kept looking at how animated Jason got when he was talking to my children. It wasn't easy for my kids to warm up to people. They are usually reserved when they are around persons that aren't family, but they seemed to be warming up to him. They weren't this warm when he took them to the beach earlier on.

When we got home, they all thanked him for taking them to the movies and went inside. I told him that I wasn't sure whose children we just took out but they weren't mine. He laughed and said they were great kids and he enjoyed being around them. It felt good to hear him say that because any man entering into my life would have to accept , nourish and help me to raise them. We were a unit, a team a family and it was all or nothing for me.