Fri | Sep 22, 2017

The flaw of filter

Published:Monday | April 6, 2015 | 4:00 AM

Sometimes, all it takes is the proper filter to take a picture from basic to epic.

Instagram fans know all about this phenomenon, either choosing from the variety available or opting for #nofilter. But, how many of us out there carry this concept into the real world, living our lives through filters?

Ladies, instead of facing the reality in front of us, we might choose to filter out the original, just so it is suitable for public display and personal consumption. This is often seen with victims of abuse. They hide behind the blows and verbal scars, painting a picture of a devoted boyfriend or husband - putting on a pretty face for the world to see. A classic case of filtering.

We sometimes see the warning signs of a catastrophic hurricane on its way - the demise of our relationship. Never ignore them. Say, for instance, you were always a side dish to the main course, but you chose to weather the storm, all in the name of love. Ladies, he cannot function as a title holder without actually claiming that title. If you are the woman on the side, what makes you think he will leave his main woman for you? Wake up and see the real picture. Don't live your life through time slots, accepting numerous tokens, constantly lingering in the shadow of another, while holding on to his words and physical actions in order to justify why you should stay. That's what we call filtering. You are in denial.

Let's take it even further. Say you have now graduated from becoming a side dish to the main course, you immediately accommodate all the benefits that are associated with this new world, not taking note that someone may very well replace your previous position. Believe me, you are filtering. If he has always had a side dish, why would he stop now?

We not only tend to filter the 'situation-ship', we are also filtering the participants. Portraying a player as a nice guy when deep down, you know, your friends know, and even his friends know that lurking beneath that charm is a man naughty by nature. Remember, a dalmatian can't change his spots, and while he may seem all classy in black and white ranked high in the canine breed, don't be fooled, he is, and forever, will be a 'dog'.

On the flip side, how many of us have edited a picture which shows natural beauty in its truest form? There is such a thing as unnecessary filtering. You know how they say nice guys always finish last? Well, we of the fairer sex have the tendency of adding so many 'filters', we end up possibly making a man into something he is not or worse, losing our better half.

He may not drive or have a fancy car. He might not be earning 'big bucks', may not be the right weight, but he is caring, sweet, loyal, ambitious and loving. Accept him for who he is, and don't take him on as a science project, he isn't your experiment that you can somehow fix into what you want. He is what he is. Chances are, to him, "You're amazing, just the way you are."

Also, filtering can get really ugly when a man makes you his all, but instead of looking at the big picture for what it is, you find faults. So, threats of infidelity can come into play when he is not with you 24/7. You suddenly begin filtering him into the bad guy, and that can only hurt you in the end if it continues.

Next time, think twice before going through the process of adding a filter. Either accept the picture for what it is or discard it completely.

krysta.anderson@gleanerjm.com