Thu | May 25, 2017

Dog have money him buy cheese

Published:Monday | May 18, 2015 | 5:00 AM
Say cheese to the delicious assortment of savoury dairy-filled delights.

I became aware of this particular saying a few years ago by a mentor of mine (Mr Sill, big up!).

For the uninitiated, it means that you will buy things you don't really need, when you have an excess of funds. I've not only seen it to be true, but I've also lived it. And lived to regret it. But hey, experience teaches wisdom (even for a tough-headed knob like myself). Anyway, in a case of some dog buying cheese recently, a painting by Pablo Picasso broke the record for 'most expensive painting to sell at auction'. This 'something', and that's the best name I can find, went for US$160 million (£102.6 million) at Christie's auction house in New York. The final price of US$179.3 million (£115 million) includes commission of just over 12 per cent, according to BBC.

The piece is named Women of Algiers, except mi a look fi di 'women' dem, and all now mi can't find more than one. OK, now forget about whether it's fine art or not. How di hell do you spend so much on something that can be ruined instantly if a two-year-old with a ketchup dispenser decides to use it for target practice? I assume it's a private collector and not a museum, because the bidder wished to be anonymous. So let's say the house that this 'painting' is housed in burns down flat. Hundreds of millions up in smoke, and we nuh touch the house yet. By the way, I would love to see the house this piece is hanging in, because God knows how much fi dat. Hope the painting nuh cost more than the house.

Now what disturbs me even more is that at least one 'art expert' believes that in 10 years' time, the $179 million-plus will look "inexpensive". Huh? I understand if you bought a car for a couple million. I really do. Because at least you can drive a car. If somebody a run yuh dung, yuh can jump inna it and get wey (I assume it's a fast car, I mean all that money for something as fast as a mule?). But I just can't get how you buy something that's just going to be hanging there. Now, even if the proceeds from the auction go to charity, wouldn't it have been easier to just donate the money from the beginning?

And please note, the bidding for the painting took 11 minutes, so that means some other canines with cash were waiting in line, hoping to snag the 'fabulous' piece. By the way, the painting wasn't the only history maker at the auction. A life-sized sculpture by Alberto Giacometti (who?) went for US$141.3 million (£90.6 million). I kid you not. The sculpture, Pointing Man, is a thin man (and I mean very thin) pointing to something or someone on his right. And that costs more than the GDP of some countries.

Aah bwoy, a mussi because mi nuh have dem money deh fi spend. Lata.

- Bid for me at daviot.kelly@gleanerjm.com