Thu | Aug 16, 2018

Politics time again, who yuh a vote fah!?

Published:Monday | June 22, 2015 | 12:00 AM

This question is of course tongue-in-cheek because the election I'm referring to is not for us goodly Jamaicans, at least in terms of whether we can vote in it.

The United States (US) presidential election, which everybody treats like the world boss election (I know I'm not helping matters either) isn't due until next year. But, everybody a run-jostle and bomb rush fi get di top spot in the Democratic and Republican parties. I would talk about our nearest election, which is the local government one, but dat nuh look like it out fi keep this year again. So, all di councillors who have no plans to actually fix any roads or build any early childhood institutions, can campaign likkle more.

But back to the US. Last week, billionaire Donald Trump joined the race for the White House. The consensus was that this officially tun circus now! Before him, Jeb Bush (George W. Bush likkle bredda), and popular senators like Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz, plus whole heap more people, say dem running on the Republican side. Over by the Democrats, some people think the front-runner is Hillary Clinton, while some bredda mi neva heard of like Martin O'Malley and Lincoln Chafee also joined in. If any more did join by the time this column was handed over for editing, sorry. But, at this rate, di only smaddy not running fi president is me.

Now, I don't study politics. I browse CNN any time I feel like it, but once you start getting into too much detail about political ideologies and all dem things, you lose me. But, I have a strong feeling the majority of these people are just taking up space. It's like those girls who know dem not winning the beauty contest but dem figure dem can get some nice prize or at least some exposure, so dem enter anyway. I marvelled and then laughed at how many people want di likkle seat. You'd think sitting in the Oval Office at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue was akin to finding the Holy Grail or the Ark of the Covenant. Dem nuh haffi frighten so ova it, jeez!


Presidential perks


Of course, when you see all the perks whe di president get, you wouldn't want tun commander-in-chief too? Talk di truth man! Everybody waiting on you hand and foot. You get fi fly pon Air Force One go everyweh. Nice! Of course, it also means that every time somebody sneeze too loud, secret service man a dive fi cover you up 'cause dem tink a gunshot. You can't tief di car and go fi a drive by yourself because dem haffi watch yuh every move. And if there's any world crisis, yuh betta say something sensible or yuh hear say yuh weak and don't worth (blank). Give you a hint, it's something that rhymes with 'art'.

God go with all a dem. I only have one word of advice for whoever wins. Come to Jamaica, 'cause despite the inevitable hassle of traffic changes etc, wi need some more road and tings fi fix. Lata.

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