Wed | May 24, 2017

Three's a crowd

Published:Monday | July 13, 2015 | 7:00 AM

There are times that one's relationship hits a sexual rough patch, and to bring some heat to relationship, persons opt to play with fire by introducing a third person in the bedroom.

Jonathon Brown* was bored with the idea of having sex with one woman for the rest of his life. His wife was frequently absent due to her demanding job, so during one of his self-gratifying moments with porn movies, he realised a few of the scenes had three persons instead of two. Later that week, he made the proposition to his wife.

But she immediately shut down and would have no part in it. He was initially embarrassed that he had asked. But then she came back to him and asked if he still wanted to try a threesome. He told Flair that nothing could compare to his excitement and anticipation when she asked.

After much discussion, they decided on the other woman they would bring in, and also set up a few guidelines that they should follow. The 'carnal' rule was to never contact the person without permission from the other spouse or without them present.

At first, the third party thought they were joking, but when she realised they weren't, she signed their confidentiality agreement, and then it was time to take the plunge into uncharted territory.

Brown and his wife enjoyed their threesome. But he enjoyed it so much so that he broke the most important rule - he made contact with the third party outside of the threesome arena.

mutual agreement

Relationship counsellor Dr Sheldon Givans, told Flair that more and more persons are trying to experiment with their relationships by inviting a third party, but he cautions that the one party should never force or coerce their partner into getting involved in a threesome - it should be a mutual agreement.

He agrees that guidelines should be set, as that is very important. He advises, "Do not speak about what happened after. Do not tell your partner you saw them do this or that, because that in itself will make things complicated and can cause conflicts."

He notes that some individuals opt for a threesome to eliminate the worry that their partner is cheating. With a threesome they are there and they know exactly what their partner is doing and who they are doing it with.

While Dr Givans admits that this is a way to spice up a relationship, it is a very important step, and worst-case scenarios need to be considered. "Couples must consider the possibility of their partner leaving them for the new person. They might realise that you were boring in the bedroom or just be attracted to something new and lose interest in you," Givans highlighted.

For Brown, he began enjoying the third party without his wife's knowledge. He enjoyed it so much that he began to lose interest in his wife. At first, that did not even matter because she seemed to have lost interest in sex as well, so it worked out for him. This was until one day he came home early and caught his wife with the woman.

"I was so upset that I packed up and left," he admitted. He admits that it was not just about the act, but about his ego. This was not something he had expected or was prepared to handle.

But after a while he knew that he needed his wife and wanted to work things out. So he went and got counselling individually and as a couple.

"We have been married for sometime now and have passed that patch. While I will say that I did enjoy the threesome, the repercussions were too great and if I was offered again, I would pass," Brown concluded.