Mon | Aug 21, 2017

Reclaiming yourself after a break-up

Published:Monday | August 3, 2015 | 8:00 AMJody-Anne Lawrence

Love is something that will have you on cloud nine, but then a break-up can drag that cloud from under you, leaving you damaged to the point to which you think there is no return.

It is hard for many of us to keep 100 per cent of ourselves in a relationship. There is the idea of compromise and sharing, which will lead you to lose bits and pieces here and there. However, some people lose themselves completely, something relationship counsellor Sheldon Givans advises that you should be careful of.

He admits that it is not always easy; however, it is something that you should try. He notes that when you find a partner who loves you for you and is willing to do things that you like, you should do the same. This will ensure that both physical and emotional needs are met.

However, he concedes that there is no such thing as a clean break. In order to recover Dr Givans advises that one should first accept the break-up.

"Sometimes you are holding out hope for reconciliation, but unless you let go of that, then you will not be able to heal," he explained.

He also believes that you should get reacquainted with your friends if you have shut them out, and do the things you used to love before you entered into the relationship. This will help you to find yourself again as well as to keep your mind on other things rather than the break-up.

While you might be returning to the things you used to like, you might also find that you have grown and changed. You have to accept that you might no longer be the person you were before, but you should try to explore new things and find out who you are and what you like to do now, and go after that.

And finally, you must accept that you will not recover overnight. Sometimes we will want to feel better immediately, but recovering from a break-up is a process, and moving on will take time. Forgive yourself and the individual and take time to move on.