Tue | Aug 22, 2017

Love Corner: Love is thoughtful

Published:Monday | August 24, 2015 | 8:00 AM

Thoughtlessness is a silent enemy to a loving relationship. Love thinks. It's not a mindless feeling that rides on waves of emotion and falls asleep mentally.

When you first fell in love, going through the honeymoon phase, being thoughtful came quite naturally. You spent hours thinking about your partner and wonder when you will see him or her again, what he or she was doing, rehearsing impressive things to say, places to go, and then enjoying sweet memories of the time you spent together.

But for most couples, things begin to change after the honeymoon phase. Sparks of romance slowly burn into grey embers, and the motivation for thoughtfulness cools down. The woman finally has her man; the man has his trophy. The hunt is over and the pursuing done. You drift into focusing on your job, friends, problems, personal desires, yourself. After a while, you unintentionally begin to ignore the needs of your mate.

Love requires thoughtfulness - on both sides - the kind that builds bridges through the constructive combination of patience, kindness, and selflessness. Love teaches you how to meet in the middle, to respect and appreciate how your spouse uniquely thinks.

 

UNDERSTANDING EACH OTHER

 

If a couple doesn't understand this about one another, the fallout can result in endless disagreements. He's frustrated wondering why she speaks in riddles and doesn't just come out and say things. She's frustrated wondering why he's so inconsiderate and doesn't add two and two together and just figure it out.

A husband should listen to his wife and learn to be considerate of her unspoken messages. A wife should learn to communicate truthfully and not say one thing while meaning another.

 

THINK BEFORE YOU SPEAK

 

Love thinks before speaking. Avoid speaking harshly now and determine later if you should have said it, let the thoughtful nature of love teach you to engage your mind before engaging your lips. Love filters words through a grid of truth and kindness.

When was the last time you spent a few minutes thinking about how you could better understand and demonstrate love to your partner? What immediate need can you meet? What's the next event (anniversary, birthday, holiday) you could be preparing for? Great relationships come from great thinking.

Contact your partner sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.

cathy.risden@gleanerjm.com