Tue | Oct 17, 2017

Love Corner: Love is not Rude

Published:Monday | September 7, 2015 | 12:00 AM

To be rude is to act unbecoming, embarrassing, or irritating. In a relationship, this could be a foul mouth, hanging up the phone on your spouse, hissing your teeth or making sarcastic quips.

Irritability and rudeness go hand in hand. Last week's Love Corner reminded you that love is not irritating; this week we tackle, 'love is not rude'.

However you look at it, no one enjoys being around a rude person. Rude behaviour may seem insignificant to the person doing it, but it's unpleasant to those on the receiving end.

When a man is driven by love, he intentionally behaves in a way that is more pleasant for his partner to be around. If she desires to love him, she will avoid things that frustrates him or causes him discomfort.

The bottom line is, genuine love minds its manners. Good manners expressed to your wife or husband should be that you value him or her enough to exercise self-control. You should strive to be the person your husband or wife enjoys being with.

 

RELATIONSHIP ETIQUETTE

 

For the most part, the etiquette used at home is much different than the kind employed with friends, or even total strangers. You may be barking or pouting around the house, but if the front door chimes, you open it with a smile. Yet, if you dare to love, you'll also want to give your best to those you love. If you don't let love motivate you to make necessary changes in your behaviour, the quality of your relationship will be affected.

There are two main reasons people are rude - ignorance and selfishness. Neither, of course, is a good thing. You know the rules, but you can be blind to how you break them or be too self-centred to care.

In fact, you may not realise how unpleasant you can be to live with.

Test yourself with these questions:

o How does your spouse feel about the way you speak and act around them?

o How does your behaviour affect your spouse's sense of worth and self-esteem?

o Would your husband or wife say you are a blessing, or that you are condescending and embarrassing?

If you think your spouse is the one who needs work in this area, be careful - you might be suffering from a bad case of ignorance, with a secondary condition of selfishness. Remember, love is not rude but lifts you to a higher standard.

Do you wish your spouse would stop doing the things that bothers you and give you some space? Will you be thoughtful and loving enough to discover and avoid the behaviour that causes life to be unpleasant for your partner? Will you dare to be delightful?

King Solomon said, "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife". But men especially need to learn this important lesson. A man of discretion will find out what is appropriate, and then adjust his behaviour accordingly.

Flair shares with you three guiding principles to adopt when it comes to practising etiquette in your relationships:

1. Stick to the Golden Rule: Treat your partner the same way you want to be treated.

2. No double standards: Be as considerate to your partner as you are to strangers and co-workers.

3. Honour requests: Consider what your husband or wife already asked you to do or not to. If in doubt, seek clarity.

Ask your partner to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behaviour. This is from their perspective only.

cathy.risden@gleanerjm.com