Mon | Sep 25, 2017

Love Corner: Love is Not Jealous

Published:Monday | September 21, 2015 | 9:00 AM

Love is so powerful that it can defeat the most deadly of relationship killers - Jealousy. This week's Love Corner reminds you that love is not jealous.

There are two forms of jealousy; legitimate jealousy based upon love, and illegitimate jealousy based upon envy.

 

LEGITIMATE JEALOUSY

 

Legitimate jealousy is sparked when someone you love turns his or her heart away and replaces you with someone else. If a wife has an affair and gives herself to another person, her husband is justified in his jealous anger because of his love for her. He is longing to have back what is rightfully his.

If it doesn't go that far, there are other ways that you can make your partner jealous and we do these almost every day. If your partner decides to go out with someone of the opposite sex and they are not related, that might cause jealousy as well. Talking or texting for long hours on the phone in the presence of your spouse to someone who likes you can also cause jealousy. Think about the things that if done by your partner might cause you to become jealous, and avoid doing them. Stick to the golden rule - 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you'.

 

ILLEGITIMATE JEALOUSY

 

Illegitimate jealousy is one that is rooted in selfishness. This is to be "moved with envy".

When you get married, you are given the role of becoming your spouse's biggest cheerleader and the president of their fan club. Both of you become one and are to share in

the enjoyment of each other. But if selfishness rules, any good thing that happens to only one of you can be a catalyst for envy rather than congratulations.

Love is not selfish and puts the other first. It refuses to let jealousy in. It leads you to celebrate the successes of your spouse rather than resenting them.

A loving husband doesn't mind his wife being better at something, having more fun, or getting more applause. He sees her as completing him, not competing with him. A loving wife will be the first to cheer for her man when he wins. She does not compare her weaknesses to his strengths. She throws a celebration, not a pity party.

It is time to let love, humility, and gratefulness destroy any jealousy that springs up in your heart. It's time to let your mate's successes draw you closer together and give you greater opportunities to show genuine love.

 

COMMON STRUGGLE

 

Jealousy is a common struggle. It is discretely sparked when someone else upstages you and gets something you think you deserve. If you are selfish, this can be very painful for you, because instead of congratulating them, you fume in anger and ill-thought of them. If you are not careful, jealousy slithers like a viper into your heart. It can poison you from living the life of love God intended.

If you don't diffuse your anger by learning to love others, you may eventually begin plotting against them. The Bible says that envy leads to fighting, quarrelling, and every evil thing (James 3:16, 4:1-2).

You don't usually get jealous of disconnected strangers. The ones you're tempted to be jealous of are primarily in the same arena with you. They work in your office, play in your league, run in your circles ... or live in your house. Yes, if you aren't careful, jealousy can also infect your marriage.

Determine to become your spouse's biggest fan and to reject any thoughts of jealousy. To help set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, make a list of negative attributes that your spouse has and discreetly burn it. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.

cathy.risden@gleanerjm.com