Love Corner: Love satisfies sexual needs
"The husband must fulfil his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband." (1 Corinthians 7:3).
In a Christian marriage, romance is meant to thrive and flourish. After all, it was created by Go; it's all part of celebrating what God has given - becoming one with our partner.
Last week, Love Corner reminded you that love motivates. This week, we explore love satisfying our sexual needs.
The Song of Solomon describes sexual acts between a husband and wife in poetic detail, showing how each responds to the other. It expresses how honesty and understanding in sexual matters lead to a life of confident love together.
The unity of Adam and Eve's relationship and their physical bodies were so strong, they were said to become "one flesh". This oneness is a hallmark of every marriage. In the act of romance, we join our hearts to each other as an expression of love that no other form of communication can match. That's why "the marriage bed is to be undefiled" (Hebrews 13:4). We are not to share this same experience with anyone else.
THE 'ONE FLESH' MENTALITY
But we are weak. And when this legitimate need goes unmet, when it's treated as being selfish and demanding by the other - our hearts are subject to being drawn away from our marriage, and we are tempted to fulfil this longing somewhere else - some other way.
To counteract this tendency, God established marriage with a 'one flesh' mentality. "The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does." (1 Corinthians 7:4).
Sex is not to be used as a bargaining chip. It is not something God allows us to withhold without consequence. Though there can be abuses to this divinely designed framework, the heart of marriage is one of giving oneself to the other to meet the other's needs.
COMMUNICATE YOUR NEEDS
You are the one person called and designated by God to meet your spouse's sexual needs. If you allow distance to grow between you in this area, you are taking something that rightly (and exclusively) belongs to your spouse. If you let your partner know - by words or by action - that sex need not be any more than you want it to be, you are robbing your spouse of a sense of honour and endearment. You violate the 'one flesh' unity of marriage.
Whether you perceive yourself as being on the deprived end, or you would admit that you are the one depriving the other, know that God's plan for you is to meet in the middle and come to a place of agreement. Also know that the path to getting there will not be accomplished by sulking, arguing or demanding.
Love is the only way to re-establish a loving union. Along with patience, kindness, selflessness, thoughtfulness, protection, honour and forgiveness, these attributes will play a role in renewing your sexual intimacy. When the love of Christ is the foundation of your marriage, the strength of your friendship and sexual relationship can be enjoyed at a level this world can never know.
If at all possible, try to initiate sex with your husband or wife today. Do this in a way that honours what your spouse has told you (or implied to you) about what they need from you sexually. Ask God to make sex enjoyable for both of you as a path to greater intimacy.