Wed | Aug 23, 2017

So what we must nyam?

Published:Monday | November 9, 2015 | 11:00 AM

So by now, you would have noticed that the World Health Organization (WHO) lowered the boom on processed meat.

Yep the WHO said meats, such as bacon, sausages and ham - do cause cancer. The report published by the WHO said that 50 grams of processed meat a day, increased the chance of developing colorectal cancer by 18 per cent. Now if you think 50 grams sounds nuff, it ain't. It's only about two slices of bacon. So all who like a likkle bacon and eggs in the morning for breakfast because dem easy fi fry, dog nyam unnu supper. So the question I'm left to ask is: what else we mus' nyam? Because at this rate, the human race is running out of options.

The people I know who only eat chicken and fish were laughing it up. "I told you so!" was the cry. Good for unnu! Except I've always wondered why we should eat fish because God knows what those fishy fishies are munching on below the surface. Who says it's more healthy than eating goat and cow? Then again, I know the vegans will take this as just another sign that their way is THE way to get all the nutrients the body needs. But I'm allergic to some fruits, and pretty certain I'm allergic to even a few nuts. Guess I can always just substitute those then. But then other people show evidence suggesting that vegans lack this vitamin and that vitamin and all manner of evil.

I saw a meme on Facebook where someone was about to eat a plate full of, wait for it, ice cubes! They even had knife and fork and everything to eat them with. Among other things, they said this meal would be gluten-free, cholesterol-free, and salt-free. Well they're absolutely right. Although the cynic in me says that somebody would be bound to question whether the cubes were made from bottled water, tap water, or filtered. And I know somebody else would mention the number of cubes was too high, and others would say you need some more.

The level of cynicism about what to eat and when to eat it, is at an all-time high. Remember the eight glasses of water thing? Now it's not necessarily eight glasses, just water consumed at specific times of the day, before and after meals or when you go to sleep.

Sugar? Toxic they say. Cinnamon? Dash it wey! Wine? Don't drink it. No wait, drink likkle bit.

It's enough to make the average person just kiss dem teeth and eat whatever the hell they want. Which leads me back to the processed meat argument.

If you think this report is going to significantly slow, or worse, completely stop ham purchases in Jamaica as we approach Christmas, forget it! Pork a go nyam same way. Just mek sure mi get fi mi own.

• Link me at daviot.kelly@gleanerjm.com