Sun | Apr 18, 2021

Kelly's World: Listen now, Santa

Published:Monday | November 30, 2015 | 12:00 AM

Okay, now that Sista P appears to have made up her mind to not make up her mind, we don't have to worry about an election during the Yuletide season.

So Santa done grant me that wish already. But look yah now, bossy, dat nuh mean say me and yuh business finish fi di year! On the contrary, I don't start ask yuh fi half of what I want yet. Mi understand yuh busy and everything right now - sleigh haffi do some minor repairs, reindeer haffi get dem hooves fixed, Rudolph haffi recharge the battery inna him nose ... all these things. I get it, you're a busy man. By the way, if you hire two Jamaicans, your business will run smoother because when it comes to working abroad (you can't get much further than the North Pole) and sending back remittances, nobody nuh beat Jamaicans. Dem wi do three, four job inna di factory. You might have to let a few elves go, though, which might not go down well with the NPWA (North Pole Workers Association).

But I digress. To the matter at hand of my Christmas list. First things first, the I-and-I want a SMART TV. Nutten too fancy, just a basic one. Preferably biggish, 'cause my eyes dem a go, so the wider the screen, the better.

Also I think I want a new car. An' mi nah talk nuh dibbie-dibbie automobile weh gwine bruk dung after mi drive it two mile. I'm not looking a Lamborghini or Ferrari (couldn't maintain them or drive them properly anyway). Just something more reliable and more modern than what I have at the moment. As for other things like house and land? Mi nuh ready fi dem deh just yet. Maybe next Christmas mi check yuh bout dat.


Deal wid it


And by the way, don't believe I am only asking for myself here. That's not my style. But hear wha happen now. The things I would wish for, like world peace and dem sumting deh, I think that's a little above your pay grade. But I would like to see all my family and real friends prosper during the holidays and into the New Year. So, who need new job and who need more pay, deal wid it. Surely you can help me with that.

Oh, and give the Reggae Boyz a few more people who can actually score goals. And please help the Worst, er, I mean, West Indies score some runs.

As for the politicians who will be running for office sometime in the New Year? Santa, give them whole heap a aspirin. Dem going to need it! I have other stuff, but that shall suffice for now.

Now, by the way, I am quite aware that some of you are wondering/concerned that a grown man believes in Santa Claus. For the record, I don't. Not anymore than I believe in Cupid (if you follow my columns, you know my views on him). But if somebody waan sorry fi me, and have an active FedEx, DHL or UPS account, see me yah. Later.

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