Kelly's World: Reality doesn't cut it for me
And people wonder why I watch the idiot box, aka television, so much.
I came across a term on a TV show that I've been looking for and thinking about for years, without realising I've been searching for it. Didn't even know there was an actual term for it. But now I've found it, I feel as pretty close to normal as I've felt in a while (and I mean a long while). The term is 'Weltschmerz'. I could pronounce it the best way I know, but I'm pretty certain the German community in Jamrock would tell me differently. So you're on your own.
But we digress. Weltschmerz is a term coined by the German author Jean Paul (don't worry, I've never heard of him before now either).
It denotes the kind of feeling experienced by someone who believes that physical reality can never satisfy the demands of the mind. I feel like I've hit the Lotto even without playing. You see, it all makes sense now. That's why I always retreat to my thoughts and dreams so often.
I always thought I just had an inability to exist normally in the world. The word 'normal', by the way, is very tricky and really depends on one's perspective. So to some persons, maybe I do have an inability to function normally in the world, at least on a certain level. But I find it hard to believe I would be, among other things, gainfully employed in a profession that does require some level of social interaction. So maybe my friend Chipmunk (long story) was right all along - I'm actually fine.
It's just that I have a fantasy world to which I retreat from time to time (and no, it's NOT those types of fantasies). In these realms, I imagine myself in different jobs, different countries, even with different names and backgrounds. Occasionally I'm taller, but most times I'm the same height. Which kinda makes me feel like deep down, I don't really mind being this height after all. Hmmm.
I'm usually more bold in, let's call it Dave's World, like a giant bull. But most times, I'm still on the more docile side, just that the circumstances are different, more manageable. Coupled with aspects of reality that aren't too harsh for me, and I guess that's why I've survived this long.
By the way, weltschmerz can also refer to the feeling of anxiety caused by the ills of the world. Again, no arguments here. If you listen to the news too much, you'll stick your head in the sand like an ostrich. But no sand is necessary for me; I've got Dave's World.
Laugh at me if you want, I don't care. It's what keeps me sane-ish. Later.