Thu | Nov 15, 2018

You a di real man! (or not?)

Published:Monday | March 7, 2016 | 12:00 AM
All day at your desk is an easy way to a hospital bed.

Think I need to get something off of my chest, and it's not a sinus infection or a cold (even though those have been going around).

I've recently been wondering just what makes a man a man. Forget about the physical stuff! That's pretty obvious (except maybe to Caitlyn Jenner, but that's another matter). I'm seriously not sure how many of the men I come across either in daily life, or in passing, would/should/are considered real men. I'm certainly not sure if I am, and that's disturbing considering age 35 is around the corner.

For some, a real man is decisive, no ifs, ahms, or hesitation. He makes up his mind promptly and acts. Problem with that is, in that case, I've seen many real men be horribly wrong with the decisions they've made. Makes you wonder if stalling their decision even just a little might have helped. But there are others who believe a real man does 'his thing', whatever it might be, regardless of what people think about him. Okay, fair enough, but depending on what his thing is, how many of these men do we really look up to? For instance, if you know a man's modus operandi is to 'hit it and quit it' as it relates to women, and he finds women who are comfortable with this, is that something to admire?

I've heard men brag about living with 'their woman' for decades but have a bona fide 'side chick'; another who is just there for sex; and a few others who they actually take out and hang out with. And none of the 'outside' women can go to their home and mek up nuh noise cause dem run fi dem show.

Ahm, good for you, but do you really need that many women? Some say a real man is honest and opinionated. Okay, that's a good one, except that I know men who are brutally honest about everything, and we wish they would keep some things to themselves. Please!

A real man must be confident, almost (or thereabouts) arrogant. And yet how many of these men do we see and think to ourselves "he's just a loudmouth jackass?" As for producing offspring, hopefully, we've got to the stage where having a whole heap a pickney is no longer considered manly. But I'm not sure. I believe there's still a section of society that believes a real man should have at least one little one running around. I remember a woman telling me, "No, man! Yuh mus' do betta dan dat" when I told her that I was in my 30s and wasn't a father. Not saying I was devastated by her opinion, but clearly, I've never forgotten it either.

So you see I'm still kinda stuck. I think I've pretty much decided that a real man is whatever he perceives himself to be. Kinda like shoes. You find a pair that works for you and move on with your life. I'll try that because I think if I sit and wait for a universal/dictionary-esque definition, I'll be here for a while.


Link me at