Sun | Jul 22, 2018

Some hoes have no sticks ... live with it

Published:Monday | April 4, 2016 | 12:00 AM

There's an old Jamaican saying that every hoe have dem 'tick a bush.

For the uninitiated, it essentially means every hoe (the flat bladed part of the farming tool, has a stick ('tick in patois) to fit it. Aside from the obvious agricultural connotation, it also means that there's someone out there for everyone. And therein lies the target of my ranting. You see, I beg to differ. In fact, I'm past begging I'm sitting on the plazas with a kettle to differ. I'm taking out a GoFundMe account to differ (you get the point).

Ever hear about people who died in car crashes, taking routes they don't usually take. Or they left later than they usually do, so they wouldn't have been in that area at that time. It's like they were bound to die that day. I feel that this thing about destiny/fate actually exists. And if it exists in terms of how you leave this world, it surely must also apply to other areas of your life while you're alive. And I think this whole companionship business is one of them. Logically, it makes perfect sense at least to me.

Have you ever heard people tell you about a particular person who passed through their life in the past? Usually, there was a pivotal moment when things could have gone either way. So they didn't get to the airport to say those words, or a mix-up at the post office meant the person didn't get a particular package. Or the phone call got cut off (you have no credit to complete this call) at the moment you're going to say 'those' three words. And it's like no matter what the person does, things just never work out that way. The planets just do not align after that. Before you know it, you're fertiliser aka dead.

I'm not a fan of fairy tales that end with "and they lived happily ever after". Rubbish! Garbage! Call NSWMA! Snow White and the prince lef' 'cause him neva like har seven dwarf friend dem a come a di palace every minute. As fi Sleeping Beauty, fi har man go weh soon after 'cause him realise she chat too much. Him did like her betta when she did a sleep! Cinderella and fi har husband? By the time she start order shoes left, right and centre, him get rid a she! Rapunzel? Di money fi tek care a di hair did a bun di man pocket. Every week she want a new Brazilian!

Now I admit, there are some hoes and sticks that fit perfectly. Dem lucky! Most of them, I put it to you, don't really fit, they are good enough to plough the farm (literally and otherwise). Dem break even. But tek it seh mi tell yuh, a no every hoe have dem 'tick a bush. Some hoes are simply going to grow old and rust in the forest. A jus' so it go sometimes. Life.

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