Mon | Sep 25, 2017

Kelly's World | Female mosquitoes are being tricked!

Published:Monday | May 16, 2016 | 5:00 AM
Aedes aegypti mosquito

This is going to sound weird, but spare a thought for the female mosquito dem.

Let me explain. With the Zika virus very much the dreaded infection of the day (I swear they seem to come out of nowhere these days), governments are employing drastic measures. These include creating genetically modified male Aedes aegypti mosquitoes who don't have a specific gene. So when dem 'butter' the females, they will produce children, but these children will die before they hit adulthood. So they'll never be around long enough to carry around nasty viruses like Zika, chik-V and all the rest.

So all I'm saying is, the female mosquitoes are being tricked. They think they're getting the man, er, mosquito of their dreams, when in fact they're getting a genetically altered bredda who can mash ants (not that mosquitoes can mash ants, but you understand what I mean). The poor likkle Miss Aegypti thinks she's getting a beau with whom to have even more likkle Aegypti running around. But alas, di man Aegypti dem nah go really measure up, so instead of more disease-carrying adults, di likkle one dem dead early. Hush.

Now I think human males are somewhat in the same boat with some of the females of our species. So many women nowadays, especially the stunningly attractive ones, seem physically perfect. Perhaps a tad too physically perfect. They have the right shape and size hips, the right lips, the right breasts - everything. But alas, so much of it is fake - as in, it required a doctor doing work with a scalpel or syringe, or both! So when you think you're getting the woman of your dreams (at least physically) you're actually getting a science experiment. SMH!

 

COSMETICALLY ENGINEERED

 

And the repercussions of getting with some of these cosmetically engineered women are just as headache-inducing as those for the misled mosquitoes.

Assuming you have children with Ms Perfect (ish), just like the mosquito rugrats, your children are going to be in trouble by a certain age. They're going to believe that looking and living fabulous like mommy is the norm. A deh so dog nyam your supper. Ordinary lunch bag? No sah! Primary school instead of prep? Yuh mad! Before you know it, they don't want their friends to know their puny pocket papa.

Forget about the children for a second. The relations between mommy and daddy will probably degrade faster than your health if you caught both Zika and chik-V at the same time. You see, from a strictly financial perspective, mommy more than likely will find another gent with more economically enhanced pockets to meet her ever-increasing needs. Not that he's more of a man than you, he just has a few more Shearers and Benjamin Franklins in his cache.

All this modification business makes it difficult for potential mates to make informed decisions. So spare a thought for the woman mosquito dem, please. Nobody, not even mosquitoes, like getting a six fi a nine. Later.

• Buzz me at daviot.kelly@gleanerjm.com