Should a woman drop hints?
Since the release of Beyonce's Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It) in 2008, women have not been shy about their readiness to get married, and letting the men know it. But are they being too forward? Should they sit and wait until the men are ready?
For Dana* dropping hints was a complete necessity. "I did because we'd been living together for a while and had two children and he was very comfortable with the status quo while I wanted marriage. He wasn't against the idea, he just didn't think it was a priority, so I had to make sure he knew it was definitely a priority for me."
Unlike Dana, Mia* did not drop any hints, as a matter of fact, "He wanted to get married long before I thought of it, but I thought he was promiscuous. It wasn't until I got pregnant with baby number two that I decided to give it a shot and make it official.
Ladies, the choice is yours, but if you do, bear in mind the following.
- Discuss he future. Talk about growing old together. Do not be afraid to show your committed. Bring up things such as children, your living arrangement, finance, and life priorities. The more confident your partner is that he/she will get the "yes," the sooner you'll see a ring!
- Just ask. If you are confident about your relationship, do not be afraid to take matters into you r own hands. He may be 'Mr Shy Guy' and as such you will have to step up to the plate and let him know you are ready.
- Wait. Forget the arbitrary deadline. You may think your man is moving slow, but he could be saving up for the grand proposal or the exquisite ring you often talk about. Be sure to keep your friends and family members in check as they may feel the need to drop not-so-subtle hints as well, and that could create unnecessary pressure for your partner.
- Speak with clarity. If you're ready to take the next step, simply say so. Drop the sarcasm and analogies. Your partner cannot read your mind. Marriage is a very big step in a relationship and the fear of rejection could be holding him back. While you are not expected to create jingles and sing every time you see him, you can get creative in sharing your thoughts. Let him know how much you love him and that you picture a future with him in it. Brag about him to your family and friends.
- Absolutely no ultimatum. While you might feel forced to tell your beau marry or else, don't. The possibility of it backfiring is great. An ultimatum is final and forceful and may also bring unnecessary tension that is not conducive to getting that ring. The more you embrace the good rather than the lack of a proposal, the better your relationship will be ... and the sooner you'll be calling each other fiance!
*Names changed to protect their identity