Thu | Mar 22, 2018

Can you change a player?

Published:Monday | January 16, 2017 | 12:00 AM

Actress Julia Roberts said it best. "I wish I were a little girl again, because skinned knees are easier to fix than broken heart."

And sometimes the hurt party (especially women) believe it's their fault. There are even articles out there that give steps on how to prevent your man from cheating. But is that possible?

According to Relationship Specialist and Sexologist Dr Sidney McGill a woman can be there for her partner emotionally and sexually, and does everything she thinks will make him happy and he still cheats.




McGill said, "Factors such as hard-to-break sexual habits, long-standing intimate relationships, sex being a tool to reduce his anxieties, just to name a few, may cause him to still play around even when he is very happy with the general quality of his current relationship."

McGill explains that sexual beliefs and norms are developed from childhood, thus making sexual habits difficult to change unless there is an intentional effort.

There are cases when men in committed relationships can become unfaithful when there are chronic problems in the relationship. When stressed, tired, or anxious, they can drop their guards and return to a life of secret philandering, especially in cases where temptations surround them daily.

Cheating might not be sex with another person but some men may "have sex with their jobs" as Dr McGill puts it.

"Here they spend inordinate amounts of their productive time on the job because the rewards may seem greater than trying to resolve the emotional problems in a relationship at home." This will also pose a problem in the relationship.

While you cannot prevent him from cheating, there are some common signs that may indicate when he is. McGill emphasises that these signs are not necessarily confirmations and one has to have proof before accusing their partner even though they exhibit the signs.

1. He comes home later than usual and his excuse does not make sense.

2. He guards his cellphone and puts on a password to ensure that you do not get into it.

3. He gets calls very late at nights and walks out of your presence to take a call.

4. He may seem emotionally distant or overly attentive.

5. May become very irritable.