Reigniting the passion after childbirth
"Sex is emotion in motion," said actress and playwright Mae West (1893-1980), and because of this there are some women that lose this appeal after childbirth but getting it back is possible.
It is not uncommon for women to lose their libido. OB-GYN Dr Sharmaine Mitchell mentions that from a medical standpoint, due to the delivery process. While many women can possibly start intercourse after they have been cleared in the six-week check-up, some women might take a little longer. Women who do a Caesarean section or received a tear during childbirth may have some discomfort.
There are also hormonal changes and the fear of getting pregnant again. Due to the fact that they might be breastfeeding, many women will avoid contraception during the first six months to a year after birth. During this period, they would feel fearful of becoming pregnant just after having a child.
Then there is the exhaustion of dealing with a newborn. Mitchell adds that the anxiety of caring for a child and in some cases the lack of support from the spouse will take a toll. This is something that sexologist and relationship specialist Dr Sidney McGill believes makes a psychological impact on the relationship. The woman will need the support, and if not, then there is the possibility of her having some form of resentment and it will be more difficult to get back to that place of sexual desire that they once had. Also, she will have to become accustomed to her new life, so initially she might just be too exhausted even with a supportive partner.
Self-esteem due to weight gain or scarring may also be an issue. It will take some time for her to feel comfortable in her new skin and not feeling quite as beautiful, though in most cases is something completely in her head and not the view of her partner will play a part.
While these are factors, here are a few tips in helping to rebuild that libido:
1. Exercise - When you have the insecurity due to the few extra pounds, Dr Mitchell believes sneaking in a few exercises when you can will help to regain confidence.
2. Be honest - If as the woman you are feeling a bit hurt or neglected to tell the man the problems and be open about it. Do not take for granted that he knows that he is not doing enough.
3. Counselling - The insecurities and feeling seems to be something that you might not know how to handle. Seeking help is also fine. Seek professional help from a relationship counsellor that will assist you on getting back on that horse.
4. Sexy lingerie - Get that sexy lingerie out and those scented candles. Help to build an environment that will appeal to your desires.
5. Set the tone - Men, you would need to work in the foreplay. Do not make it into a rush. Take your time to ensure that she is comfortable and that you are getting aroused instead of focusing on self-gratification.
6. Patience - Accept that you have gone through something beautiful and life-changing. Your body was ripped apart and it experienced its own trauma. Both parties have to understand that achieving the prior bouts of passion will take time. Do not force it.