Tue | Aug 22, 2017

Emotional emancipendence

Published:Monday | August 7, 2017 | 8:00 AM

How many have thought of applying emancipation and independence to the emotional aspect of their lives? All relationships have issues, there's no escaping that. But if you find that, for whatever reason, a permanent cloud has been formed over your happiness and that of your partner, so much so that your love can no longer solve your problems, then maybe it's time to pull the plug and execute a do not resuscitate order, with immediate effect.

How do you know that you need to be emotionally emancipendent? You first have to identify the symptoms. Here are a few signs to consider:

 

COMMUNICATION IS DULL AND VOID

 

Dialogue is extremely important to any relationship, since it's through this forum that your mind is stimulated. If you find that over time, the conversations between you and your significant other have been dull or void all together.

 

NO HANKY-PANKY

 

Vital to any union is an intimate connection, and as a couple, you can't get any closer than lovemaking. Not getting it on between the sheets or otherwise for a while should raise an alarm and should be seen as a possible sign of detachment

 

BECAUSE WE ARGUE, OR WE DON'T

 

We all love make up to break up, but sometimes arguing can get the better of us and it's there that we say things that we don't mean, hurting the one that we love. If you find that you're both arguing too much for comfort, to the point that it becomes verbally or physically abusive, then it's time to take a step back and evaluate your emotions before you end up in a losing battle. On the other side of the fence, if you discover that you no longer want to argue because your partner is not worth fighting for, and you consequently play the game of complacency, settling for mediocrity, then that's just as bad as arguing, and may be an indicator that you've taken a wrong turn and have to pull over.

 

LOSS OF INTEREST

 

Attraction is traded in for annoyance? You try and find ways to get out of date night or realise that he doesn't plan date nights anymore and has no intentions of doing so, or attending a scheduled one? He's more excited about his work than coming home to you, so he buries himself in it, making you an afterthought? Honey, it is time to pack up your things and go!

 

CHEATING GAMES COME INTO PLAY

 

We know all about having our cake and eating it too, but this is not food. Playing hokey-pokey with one hand in your life and the next one out around the arms of another is no way to be living your 'happily ever after'. If you feel more compelled to cheat than stay together, or if you can't trust him because he betrayed it by cheating on you with one too many lover, then it's time to just let it burn.

 

IT'S ALLOR NOTHING

 

He's not willing to put his all in the relationship, then you have absolutely nothing left to give him.

Breaking the shackles of your tumultuous relationship, and emancipating yourself from emotional slavery, here are a few ways you can move towards emotional independence:

 

GO COLD TURKEY

 

We apply this regime to diets but have never once thought, 'Why not try the same thing with a man?' He is like a bad carb, those sweet that go straight to your love handles and are just not good for your health. So cut off all communication with him completely, block him if you need to, and avoid seeing him if you can. If you're emotions are still on a high, or if you feel lost and empty, don't try to turn to him for support, no matter how much you want to, don't engage in activities you both did together, visit the same place you both used to go, don't even bother bringing up his name in conversations. That will only make your decision to leave even harder to grasp.

 

TIME OUT

 

Take the time out to grieve: cry, snack, binge watch sad movies or listen to heartbreaking songs if you need to. Just ensure that you receive closure from what was once to what you are looking forward to - finally becoming emotionally emancipendent. Take the time out to get to know yourself again.

 

REGAIN CONFIDENCE

 

You've just gone through quite an ordeal and that has a way of messing with your confidence. Gain it back by doing something you always loved to do, say writing, or drawing, and reconnect with a love for your hobby. Maybe you want to unleash your inner sexy by attending dance classes.

 

MAKE A CHANGE

 

The king of pop Michael Jackson said it best when he sang, "I'm gonna make a change, for once in my life." So you wanted to put in hair colour, or get a haircut. Did someone say new clothes? Retail therapy might be just what you need. Or maybe you'd like to make a lifestyle change and tap into your healthy side with gym enrolment and greater eating habits.

 

GIRLS NIGHT OUT

 

Your man just broke your heart. Time to break out that a little black dress, step out in the town hot as ever with your ride-or-die chicks by your side and take back the night!

 

RE-ENTER THE DATING SCENE

 

You know we said earlier take some time for you. Well, when that time is up, casually re-enter the dating pool and see if you will sink or swim. Who knows? You might find your Prince Charming when you least expect it.

krysta.anderson@gleanerjm.com