When friends become lovers
It is often said that good friends make the best lovers. For some, that dream actually comes true, while for others, they learnt the hard way - living what they considered a nightmare.
In this week's Flair, we spoke to two women who shared their journey to happily ever after, or lack thereof, with their friend turned lover. These are their stories.
Shauna Pryce*, a singer from Clarendon, told Flair that after five years, she and her best friend decided to try their luck in the world of intimacy. Previously, they were both dating each other's friends, and in true Usher fashion, they would run and talk to each other about their problems, relying on each other for comfort through sad times.
One day, they realised that they wanted to leave the ones they were with and start a new relationship, and so it began.
"Comfort after the break-up led to other things, and in no time we became a couple. It started out so well. It was easier to communicate, which were unspoken most of the time, because he understood me more than anybody else I knew. It felt like my first love," Pryce said.
Over time, however, as she grew comfortable in her role as girlfriend, she found herself being replaced as a friend. "I moved up the ranks, and in doing so, lost my original title. I was no longer the best friend." She confessed that he spent more time with his new friend, and she thought that was a little too close for comfort. So, the arguing began and became a permanent feature of their union. Since he went out and got a new best friend, Pryce did the same. "He got so jealous, and it was there that I knew the rumours were sadly true. I was hurt." They broke up and it took her a while before she was able to speak to him again. Eventually, they became friends.
Lauren Lowe*, an investment banker from Manchester who has been married for 10 years, met her love through friends, and the relationship just progressed organically. "It's hard to say exactly when it changed. I always knew who he was dating and he knew who I was dating, and for a while our relationship was strictly platonic," she added.
Being friends and hanging out together, they got to really like each other, and just like that, they transitioned into the realm of love. This unique connection led to them taking that walk down the aisle all the way to 'I do'. "The fact that we were such good friends really helps our marriage because there is such a level of understanding, he knows me and my moods, and the same for me when it comes to him."
She continued, "We have such a deep level of knowledge about each other. The best thing about us being friends first is that there really wasn't that phase where you only show that person your good side. He was my friend so he knew all my sides. I saw and really fell in love with the other side I saw of him when we began dating - just how romantic he was, and now that we are married, I realise that I really couldn't have married anyone else."
She did, however, cite a few dangers about being in a relationship with your friend. She says that when you tell them, as your friend, some of your deep, dark secrets that you wouldn't necessarily want your boyfriend to know, that can come back to bite you in the long run.
So in case you're wondering about a few of the pros and cons of becoming lovers with your best friend, here are a few to consider:
- He or she has probably seen you at your worst, so there's no need to pretend.
- You both are probably already in the same circle, so it beats trying to like his or her friends.
- When it comes to his family, you may have already met them, so this is a smooth transition for you to make.
- What first-date trauma? You know each other so dating is a breeze.
- Familiarity may mean that you're too comfortable with your partner, which leads to complacency, and nobody wants that.
- The family may have never liked him/her as a friend to begin with, so how could they be liked as the love of your life?
- You would have missed out on the butterflies and sparks of going on a first date. The unknown is often more exciting than the known.
- Because you have moved up, chances are you will be replaced. Are you willing to put your friendship on the line?
*Names changed upon request