Sat | Nov 18, 2017

Kelly's World | Kelly vs The Tyre (the tyre won)

Published:Monday | November 13, 2017 | 12:00 AM

Some of us aren't made for manual labour. I recently had to change one of my tyres and put on the 'donut' because rimming it to the nearest shop just wasn't going to happen.

Truth is, I was in a bad mood from the beginning, so having to stop what I was doing to change a tyre was the last thing I wanted.

But you gotta do what you gotta do, so I literally rolled up my sleeves and got to work. About 10 seconds into the ordeal, I remember why I hate having to change tyres.

First off, hoisting the car by using the jack always seems to take forever. Half the time you wonder if you're turning in the right direction.

As for getting the lug nuts off, well, it's easier to get a vegan to eat meat.

After what felt like three hours (I took off my watch in anticipation that it would have got smashed during my pit-crew duties), I got the offending oval off the vehicle.

Now for phase two, putting on the donut. So wouldn't you guess that as long as it took to get the tyre off, it felt just as long to get the donut on.

Of course, yours truly, now totally agitated, lowered the car a little too much, so had to raise it back just a tad.

And yes, again, it felt like all mi a turn, di car nah move. By this time, my back ached because I was bent over the whole time.

'Why didn't you crouch?' you might ask. Well, that's because with the knees I have, crouching is like asking an elephant to balance on toothpicks.

And just for good measure, it was a hot afternoon. Despite all the rain that's been dropping the last few weeks, I got a flat on the one afternoon the place was parched. Oh joy!

 

I'M NOT DRIVING HOME ON A DONUT

 

Of course, I had zero intention of driving home with the donut (or bagel, for all I care) because driving is tough enough with four tyres much less with three and another one named after a pastry.

So it was off to the tyre shop where the professional patched the tyre and replaced it in about the time it took me just to find all the tools I needed 40 minutes earlier.

The point of all this is that I have always had much respect for mechanics and people who work with their hands, and that only increased after this.

I looked like I had been doused with water (wouldn't be surprised if people thought I was doing my ice bucket challenge belatedly).

Throw in that I bruised my hand while trying to dislodge aforementioned lug nuts and I had to go back to work so everybody could see the sweaty mess I was.

Next time, I'm changing into a pair of overalls or something.

Trust me, whenever mechanics ask for their money, pay dem! Watch out for any exorbitant fees, but don't stiff them.

Changing a tyre is nothing compared to overhauling an engine. And if me can tyad so, God go wid dem.

Later.

- Link me at daviot.kelly@gleanerjm.com