Sun | Jan 20, 2019

Kelly's World | Royal wedding, royal pain

Published:Monday | March 19, 2018 | 12:00 AM
Britain's Prince Harry and Meghan Markle arrive for the Commonwealth Service at Westminster Abbey in London, Monday, March 12.

Dis yah wedding yah a go mad me!

Prince Harry, mi bredren, decide say him a go commit relationship suicide by getting married. Granted mi happy fi me G, enuh. Harry a my favourite member of the royal family. In fact, a di only royal mi really deal wid. I consider myself a simple man. And Harry just look like him nuh inna di whole rules and regulations of being a royal. Den when him did forward a Jamaica few years back, di boss run wid Usain and all a bake shot up a Up Park Camp. A my general dat!

As fi di bride-to-be, mi glad fi Harry, too, 'cause di likkle miss, Meghan Markle, pretty like wow. In fact, she pretty bad. Whether she half or quarter black is irrelevant fi me. Di likkle miss stay proper. Mi like see when mi bredren dem end up wid nice, clean woman. Although fi all we know she could be a zutupec. Who knows.


Lead-up Killing Me


But having said all of that, the lead-up to the wedding a go mad me. I'm seeing stories about people launching and managing Harry and Meghan Facebook groups in the US which have like 5,000 members. I wonder how many joined groups about gun control? Hmmm.

In one group, the members share wedding updates and plans for gathering. The members live in over 90 countries on six continents. As my mother would exclaim, "mi aunt!" I get the concept of looking forward to an event, but sheesh! Dem nuh haffi mek it look so. People are planning what they're going to wear to watch the nuptials. Some allegedly going to wear pajamas and some a wear old wedding dress. Fix it, Jesus!

Since it's in England, it will be a little ahead of our time here in Jamaica and for those in the US. But no matter what time it starts, mi won't be watching. Mi nuh wake early fi watch English Premier League, so mi not doing it fi wedding. Plus, even though Harry a mi bredren, mi nah get nuh cake so mi can't bodda. The wedding is a Saturday, so more than likely I'll be busy Friday night, whether working late or chilling out.

Speaking of the Saturday wedding, mi a wonder how much of the planning Harry did do, cause di wedding a go keep pon May 19. That's the same day as the FA Cup final. Now seriously, wha coulda cause that? The biggest domestic cup competition in the world, and woman a go fight dem man fi di remote fi watch two people say they do? Me want justice!

To all the women I work with, I am warning unnu from now. I don't want to come work the following Monday and have to hear a three-hour discussion 'bout who did look good a di wedding and who shouldn't wear dem grandmother frock. I. Don't. Need. To. Hear.

So Harry, bless up. More life, and please, don't gi di pretty girl bun. Later.

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