Tue | Jan 15, 2019

Kelly's World | Wanty wanty caan get it (and you know the rest)

Published:Monday | July 16, 2018 | 12:00 AM

As a rule I don't watch courtroom shows. Whether it's Judge Judy, or Judge Joe Brown, or whatever other one you have on TV these days, they aren't my thing.

But a friend showed me a clip of an episode of Divorce Court recently.

In that particular case, a man wanted back some of his stuff from his wife.

The marriage had gone south for the winter (and not in a good way, if you catch my drift).

So the fact that he was the one initiating the action, you might think he was the one at fault.

Well, he was, but this fellow's indiscretion was that, and these are the wife's own words, "he was too nice".

Yep, you read that right. She didn't like the fact he was such a nice guy.

Naturally, the judge, a woman, was quite puzzled at the utterance. The bailiff looked like how people used to look at me when I was 13 and I said I didn't have a house phone (by the way, that was entirely true).

The befuddled jurist asked the woman to explain further in order to get clarity. But her explanation was as clear as mud.

She complained that the man was getting her fat because he's always cooking four-course meals for her.

She even said that if she wakes up at 2 a.m. and wants food, he won't fix "just a sandwich". He will do a full, proper meal. And she vex!

I know women who would sell a kidney to find a man who could cook, especially if dem can't even boil water themselves.

Now, I have no idea if the show is real, and even if the show is real, whether that particular case was fake.

I also don't know how long ago that episode aired. Truth is, I didn't even watch it to the end because the sheer ridiculousness was getting to me.

But you have to admit, we all know someone who is in a relationship who takes their spouse/bae/spoogy for granted.

Some men and women have zero idea of the walking gold mine they have in their lives.

She said something else that bothered me. She said that whenever the man said he loved her, she was waiting for a punch or kick or something to follow.

That made me wonder what kind of hood rat, reprobate, low life she used to date before this guy.




Maybe some of those shots she used to take to her cranium did some serious damage to her brain.

But in the 'real world', unfortunately, I think we all know someone (or know someone who knows someone) who believes that getting smacked around is actually a good thing in a relationship.

Mi nuh deh pon dat! As a colleague of mine once said, if a woman raise har hand affa me, mi lick har back first!

It's amazing what some people consider normal in any relationship, but especially a marriage.

That's why some people prefer to be isolationists. This 'deh wid' business? It can get pretty confusing.

- Link me at daviot.kelly@gleanerjm.com