Thu | Oct 18, 2018

Single but iffy to mingle: I’m singlish

Published:Monday | August 6, 2018 | 12:00 AM

What if I told you I were no longer single, but I'm singlish: what would you think? That I've already found someone special? Not exactly.

By definition, according to a recently trending radio interview, being singlish means being 50 per cent there, you're not particularly with someone per se, but you're not single either. I've decided to take things up a notch. I'm not single because I'm not of the single mentality. I'm not a fan of hit it and quit it. Not at this juncture of my life anyway. And I've not found my happily ever after either.

But let's get down to the meat of the matter. I'm singlish because I'm becoming very selective with whom I share my space and spend my time with. Time for a story.

For months, I had been crushing on a cutie. He was handsome, smart, charming, and sweet. Totally not my type, but then, I thought to myself, that might be a good thing. All the signs were there for a love connection - the lingering stares, the flirtations, the laughs, the smooth conversations - we clicked, surprisingly faster than I had even imagined.

 

IN DENIAL

 

I realised, however, that I was the one initiating contact. At first, I, like him, was in denial, but as time progressed, I began to smell the roses: I liked him and he liked me, or so I thought. There was only one problem. He was a traditionalist when it came to dating. I respected that, but call me Miss Liberal. I'll make the first move or steer you in that direction just see where it goes. Instead, I sat back and waited. For the life of me, he wouldn't ask me out.

I grew so frustrated that I actually confronted him about it. I am that bold, and at this point, I had nothing to lose. I'm a writer so I chose to express myself through words. I went the rejection route, telling him that I was a big girl, and that I could handle it. To not make me feel too bad, he said it was not about rejection but something along the lines of saying certain things wasn't easy. I quickly called him out in his bull, and with no hard feelings, I simply 'friendzoned' him.

There are several lessons to be learned from that experience:

I take the thought of a relationship way too seriously and sometimes I need to take a chill pill and see where things lead.

How I felt wasn't necessarily in sync with how how he viewed me. If you think rejection from an ex is bad, try rejection from someone you like but haven't dated - not the nicest feeling.

I like assertive men. Men who know what you want and who they want - not one to beat around the bush.

 

Not to be Toyed With

 

I'm not to be toyed with or taken advantage of. I think I've gone through enough of that in my lifetime, so whether it's fear or a coping mechanism, it's just better to be safe than to be sorry.

So from now on, I'm singlish. The reason for that status is solely dependent on the specific male counterpart. I'm singlish, because I may be single but stuck in long-term relationship syndrome. I'm singlish but I can be either totally single for you or taken with you. Or, I'm singlish because while that is my status, I'm honestly not interested, so there's no need to waste any of our time. Furthermore, a girl always has her secret bae anyway, but that's a story for another day. *wink*

krysta.anderson@gleanerjm.com