Sat | Dec 15, 2018

Single but iffy to mingle: The Ex Factor

Published:Monday | August 20, 2018 | 12:14 AM

The wonderful world of dating, that dream of finding your Prince Charming can actually turn into a nightmare, before you even know it.

I've been entertaining a few interests that have come my way, and the encounters so far have been interesting, to say the least. But one of the roadblocks I've been facing on my path to greatness are the 21 questions.

How many sexual partners have you had in your lifetime? My answer: "Whoa, you don't beat around the bush, don't you?"

Men are fascinating, they just hit the nail on the head and don't stop knocking until you're pinned down somehow. I'm a firm believer that my particular number should only be known to me. And those asking such invasive questions most times have no intentions of going beyond 'hit it and quit it'.

For those, however, persistent in their pursuit of the wonderland, I pick a number that sounds suitable enough, and check their reaction. If that's passable and they would like to know more, if I'm intrigued enough, I already have the selected 'ex-men' lined up ready to highlight - some really aren't worth mentioning. Or if I'm not into playing the immediate guessing game, I will take my number, divide it by two, carry the one, minus three and boom! That's my final answer. Further questioning: same 'ex-men' highlight stated above applies.

 

'Riff Raffs'

 

After weeding out the 'riff raffs' who call themselves men, there are the chosen few who take the opportunity to go even deeper. I don't know about you, but when I'm enjoying a lovely meal with a handsome and charming prospect, the last thing I want to hear being asked is, "Why did you and your ex break up?" or "Why didn't it work out between you and your ex?" There's really no easy way to ask that question. And I get it. That's his way of finding out where I am emotionally where my former lover is concerned. But call me crazy: if I'm not talking 'bout him, I don't see why he'd being mentioned because you might not like the answer you are going to hear. Here is how several scenarios could and actually have played out on dates:

I call my ex-boyfriend all the 'god-awful' names in the swear book, deeming him a sorry excuse for a man. I sound cold and bitter, and it looks like I'm harbouring ill feelings of the past. Now, why would any man want a take me on a second date after that?

I have nothing but good things to say about my ex-boyfriend. We were never at a bad place to begin with, it just didn't work out and we're actually good friends. That's another red flag. Friendships always sound too good to be true among exes. And it's not recommended that anyone start on shaky footing with a potential partner - chances are it may backfire down the line.

I opt to not talk about it. This is far worse than being friends or enemies because the mystery is lethal to the possibility of new love since you have not let go enough of the hate to speak about it. That wasn't my objective, but that was how it was interpreted.

So how do you get over this dating hurdle these days? I've learned to be honest without revealing too much. If I can't avoid the question, what I say is this: "We were going in different directions and it wasn't working out for the both of us. He pulled out of the race, and I was hurt at first, but I understand why he made that decision and I respect him for it." And instead of stating that we're amicable, I will opt to say we're civil.

- Have you figured out how to conquer the case of the ex? Let me know at krysta.anderson@gleanerjm.com.