Wed | Nov 20, 2019

Single but iffy to mingle: Online Option?

Published:Monday | October 1, 2018 | 12:00 AM

I got I got I got I got options! Even online. With technology winning over the lives of so many, you can get just about anything online, even a soul mate. Welcome to Single But Iffy To Mingle. From facing the harsh realities of single living to embracing this status as a window of opportunity to love again, it's safe to say that I'm ready! But I'm still sceptical about dating.

Believe it or not, I'm no stranger to finding love online, (long story, we need a whole chapter for that one) so it couldn't hurt to try it again. It was definitely easier said than done! The process was tedious. I get that they need to be thorough but filling out information for these online dating sites felt like a chore. And after stumbling upon roadblocks like 'the only way you can match with another is by paying a hefty membership fee', I had just about had enough.

But then I remembered a friend of mine speaking about going on a date from an online dating app, and that it had gone very well. So I downloaded it to see what it had in store for me. It was truly an eye opener!

This popular app was a lot easier to manoeuvre. Information was optional so I kept it mysterious, sharing basic information and showcasing my best photos. In no time, I was matching and messaging with a few handsome hopefuls.

But it wasn't all a bed of roses. Some had only one intention. And that didn't include a relationship. Hit it and quit it just isn't my scene, so whatever sizzled initially fizzled quickly. Somewhere over the rainbow wasn't the place to be either: and I feel weird for putting this out there but being over the top didn't sit well with me because it came across as being a little too desperate for my comfort.

Others just weren't engaging enough and could not conduct a decent conversation for long. I'm not about stringing men along, so that faded as well. I was even friend zoned by a few, too, and that had me questioning myself for a bit: "Was it me? Was I not pretty enough, or nice enough?"

I stuck with the mission. And the first to cross over to the land of WhatsApp kept things super casual. He'd comment on my statuses, but said nothing major. The second young man to make that step entertained good conversation. We spoke over the phone about our busy schedules and things seemed to be going well. Until it was time to date. He postponed it because of a switch in his work shift. Being the understanding woman that I am, I didn't sweat it. But then it was work and school, and he got too busy and said he felt I was distancing myself. He was playing that hand long before I folded. So I gave it to him straight. It's great to have goals and work towards them, but balance is very important - I had to shift my schedule to facilitate the date so I know all about being busy, and having those aspects consume your life will never help with matters of the heart.

This takes me to number three, Mr Charmer. Now, he came with a different approach. Off the bat, he called me his gorgeous match, and my name has been Gorgeous ever since. He was interested in getting to know me - we learned that we had quite a number of things including chill spots in common. He couldn't believe that I was single, noting that I have all the ingredients for the ideal girlfriend. The thought was mutual because not only was he appealing to my eyes, he was sweet, too.

He shared that he had gone on a couple of dates, but nothing major happened - I appreciated his honesty. If I thought he was a smooth operator via texting, he upped the sexy ante when we spoke over the phone. Before we knew it, two hours had passed on our first conversation and we could've gone on for much longer. We talked about everything: work, family, friends (we both value all three), and each other.

He not only gives attention, despite his hectic work schedule, but he pays close attention to details, too. Those who know me, know that I am very passionate about my job. He ran with my first name, did his research and told me one day that he sat at work and read some of my stories *cue my shocked, blushing face*. He shared how impressed he was with my writing and we had a discussion about some of the addressed topics. His job is a demanding one, but he loves it. And he finds the time to make and receive calls in between or play 'cupid' with me on the text line.

We've continued on this progressive path and are hoping to meet soon. I'm not rushing anything - after all, nothing happens before its time. So, will I hit the mark and make the third time my charm? We'll all have to just wait and see.