Mon | Jan 21, 2019

Kelly's World | The lengthy benefits of being short

Published:Monday | November 5, 2018 | 12:00 AM

I think I've always been a tad self-conscious about my height, but over time, I've come to accept that things aren't so bad.

The first time it really sunk in that I wasn't exactly among the world's human skyscrapers was when I heard someone saying "Short man" when I was the only male in the vicinity.

Sure enough the person was talking to me. I don't remember what they asked because I just said no because mi did vex.

Him out a order a come call man short.

So I looked up the average accepted height of what the world considers short. Sure enough at 5' 7" which I was at the time (pretty certain I slouch so much that I'm shorter by now) was considered somewhat short.

So grudgingly I moved on with my life, getting used to the fact that by the world's standards, I was a short man.

However, my views have changed. Being five foot whatever I am now actually has its benefits.

For one, taller people are kinda at greater risk of certain illnesses. I get stressed out if I have a bout of sinusitis.

Also I've watched tall co-workers nearly get decapitated just from walking into a room.

I usually got so much on my brain, I would probably always forget to duck when I'm passing through a doorway I know to be a little on the small side.

I would get concussions aplenty.

Plus, you stand out when you're so tall, and not always in a good way.

I remember standing in line during devotion at high school. The taller boys were always easily spotted, regardless of whether they were behaving themselves or not.

Plus, when you're tall, people automatically expect that you're athletic.

You and I know that nutten nuh go so but it's a stereotype almost every tall person I know has to live with.

But there's another reason, albeit a hypothetical one, why I have got to love being below a certain height.

When you're a little guy, you can't get into fights because more than likely, you're going to be the smaller dog in the battle.

You ever hear it's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog?

Yeah, well that might be true, but I'd still prefer to be the bigger dog.

Problem is I figure if you're taller than the average guy, you might not pick your battles as wisely, because you figure you can just overpower everyone else.

If I was, let's say 6' 9", I'm pretty certain I'd be in trouble with the law a great deal of time.

That's because when you're so tall and big, even a flick of the finger can break something, or poke somebody's eye out.

There is the possibility that I would have been a gentle giant. Maybe my temperament, which right now is questionable, would be far more serene.

Or maybe I'd be a bull in China shop. Who knows? Good thing is, barring a miracle of Red Sea proportions, we'll never get to find out.

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