Wed | Sep 18, 2019

Kelly's World | Santa in the ghetto? - It can happen man

Published:Monday | December 17, 2018 | 12:07 AM

There's an old Jamaican song questioning whether Santa Clause has ever come to the ghetto.

Truth is even if Santa was real (sorry kids, he's not), some people might not think it would be in his best interest to head to the inner-city.

First of all, Jamaicans are never satisfied, regardless of what part of the country from which they hail.

So if likkle Billy gets a truck, his parents goodly tell Santa dem want more dan dat.

Plus with the inner-city being home to so many children, stopping there might take up more than half of Santa's sack of goodies.

By the time he reaches let's say Clarendon, di bag goodly done.

Plus Santa might worry that a few of these residents might want to tek way di whole bag from him.

I'm also assuming Santa may have made some changes to his sleigh over the years.

With all the technology around, the vehicle might have a few modern alterations on it.

Now Jamaicans are suspicious people, so imagine how the residents would react to some 'strange car' rolling into the community.

If a few people are really trigger happy and nervous, Santa probably pick up two hot one inna di sleigh before him can say "Ho ho ho!"

But let's not throw out the possibility that Santa might forward.

He might run into a few check points set up by the security forces at some point on his journey.

And if you think about it, that can be a good thing.

Sure we imagine with all those boxes and parcels in his sleigh, that by the time squaddie and soljie done search and shake all a dem, God knows what time Santa would leave one community.

But let's look at the bright side. Santa would be able to visit places he could not enter just last year.

Now it's true that some members of the security forces might decide fi tek a one present fi dem own pickney dem.

But to be fair, Santa would have had presents for their children anyway (except maybe the ones they've made since the ZOSOs and SOPEs were put in place).

Being pressed for time (remember he has to go around the globe), Santa would not have to worry about any speeding tickets in Jamaica.

Seeing that Santa isn't even a Jamaican citizen, I'm not sure he can receive a ticket.

In any case, there are people driving around with hundreds of tickets, so Santa having one that he hasn't paid probably won't be a big deal.

I do have a few suggestions for Santa though.

For one, when you're heading Portmore side, fly steady, next ting dem go believe seh is another JDF helicopter out fi crash.

Two, use Google Maps because with all the road work, you might not recognise a few places.

And last thing, save MoBay fi last. Di bredda dem dung dah side deh nuh too normal.

If yuh need any further help, just link me. Later.

Link me at daviot.kelly@gleanerjm.com