Fri | Apr 3, 2020

Something New with Someone New: Assuming the Position

Published:Monday | February 4, 2019 | 12:30 AM

“From just one taste, I’ve had an insatiable appetite for the unique flavours of your mind. Your calm, soothing tone, your passion, your charm, your warm, gentle touch - thank you for showing me what chills and butterflies feel like.” Sounds like an ode to a new flame. Well, guess what: it is.

Those who are familiar will recall ‘Single but iffy to mingle’ where I shared my roller coaster ride into dating. Remember when I ended the series in an air of mystery, stating that I’d see you soon?



Well, here I am! My world of fantasy collided with reality and I'm now embarking on the thrilling journey of ‘something new with someone new’. Still a novelty, we’re learning so much, both from and about each other. And I’ve decided to check-in with some insight into a few of the lessons I've learnt along the way. Let's fasten our seatbelts and prepare for takeoff, shall we?



Assuming the position



The discussions from our conversations have been very interesting. Let me give you a taste of how this ‘assuming the position’ got started.



I have fish allergies. Everybody who knows me is aware of this. But this guy enjoys his visits to Port Royal for this aqua indulgence. Say he wanted to surprise me by taking me away to the savoury shores. Imagine the shock and dismay that lies behind the curtain, waiting to hit the stage and put on a performance, when I reveal that fish and I are ‘fatal foes’.



Firstly, he was never aware of this and that might become an issue. But why should it if it was never a talking point? It probably wouldn’t have ever surfaced unless it was mentioned or a situation such as this presented itself.



Secondly, if I broke the news when we arrived or when I saw the direction we were heading in, finding a Plan B would kill the whole vibe and put a damper on the overall encounter. Also, he may have to go solo or with friends whenever he is having that particular craving and I'll unfortunately won't be there for the experience.



Thirdly, he assumed that because this something that he loved, it would almost be expected for me to love it too. Now, this is not to say that the sentiment isn’t sweet, but this disappointment could've been avoided if an assumption wasn't made. Assuming the position can lead to grave repercussions, if used ineffectively.



This term coined to validate persons who feel a sense of entitlement, can result in a misuse of information because they don’t have the facts. And since small cuts can fester in huge sores of conflict, this could actually have harmful effects on a relationship. Instead of assuming the position, and having expectations that could lead to the wrong conclusions, next time (and going forward), start a discussion and just ask pertinent questions: it's better to be safe than to be sorry.



Also, it would be nice too if honesty came into play from early (like I did with the fish) so that those clueless or faulty in memory won't be left hanging in the balance of a guessing game. Don't assume the position that your new partner in love should know or remember everything about you - be direct on your approach and be patient.



Okay, let's get sexy now.



Assuming the position between the sheets is another story and it always causes big debate. When is the appropriate time to ‘assume the position’ with the person you're dating? The answer: that is entirely up to you.



Many speak of the 90 day rule and if that floats your boat, then by all means, move with the tide. But you will never know his intentions until you get to know him. Some are an open book, others are a harder nut to crack. There are little signs though that are giveaways that he's here to stay. This guy: “Sex is great, I won't deny that, but I want to get to know you first.” I thought to myself, “Wow, that makes me want to even more!” This eased the pressure off the urgent need to please, saving bouts of erotic euphoria for when the time was right - for the both of us.



Dive in even deeper. You're ‘boo'd up’, and you've jumped the hurdle of when and it's just a matter of how. Take a leap of faith and assume the position in new and exciting ways, sliding in and out of your comfort zone. Kiss deeply and more often, your desire is to aspire for cloud nine and beyond. Sift through your sensual catalogue and activate, educate, motivate, elevate and culminate with your first mate, cross referencing as you entwine in each other's arms. They call this time the honeymoon phase for a reason - make the very best of it. *wink*